Why Wait?

What she wore: blue jean skirt with a fairly light wash, hot pink polo with cap sleeves, plaid shoes with every color from an easter egg.  I’m going to try to put a picture on the bottom.  Everybody liked the shoes.

One of my dear college buddies is due to have her baby today.  She probably won’t deliver till the this weekend, but I thought this little thing I wrote a while back was perfect for the day. 
 

Why Wait?

 

I’ve been married for four years, and my husband and I dated for almost four years before that, so we’ve been together for around eight years (the 23rd will be eight years exactly).  We do not have any children other than the furry kind. 

One of my good friends has been married less than two years and is expecting her first child any day now.  A guy I work with has been married over five years and has two small children.  It occurred to me recently that a lot of people get married, wait a year, and then start trying to have kids.  Many couples who wait to have children, wait because they’re still in school.  I start asking around, and most people who’ve been married as long as I have, have got kids.  I don’t have any kids, and I don’t have any concrete reason.  Let me correct that; I don’t have an EXTERNAL reason.  I have a perfectly nice job that is child-friendly, and I’m not pursuing higher education at this time.  My reasons have always come from within.  At twenty-three-years-old I didn’t feel ready to have children.  I needed to figure out myself, my marriage, and my profession.  Since I was away from my family, I needed to learn how to take care of myself independent of others and handle whatever came my way.  I didn’t think it was the time to bring children into the mix.   

            I’ve enjoyed this time with my husband.  We’ve established ourselves as a team, and have learned to work together.  Nothing brings you closer together than moving 900 miles away from your family.  I hope that when we do decide to have children we can approach it as a team effort. 

            I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m happy with my decision.  I look at others and question it, but in the end I always come to the same conclusion: I did what was right for me, and when I do decide to have children, what was right for them as well.

 

In other news: I cut my hair!!! It’s short!!! I love it, but the kids will HATE it.  If you want to know what it looks like, check out the picture on my slide show of me with the Hub and my friend Kristin.  The do’s like that.

 

Enjoy your Easter.

 

KM

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About takedeux

In one summer I had a baby who was hospitalized for five weeks, quit my job, and moved back to my hometown. This blog is about starting over.
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25 Responses to Why Wait?

  1. qi says:

    Hi,KM.
     I\’ve got your site from others\’ lists so feel happy to read your blogs and know how great a person you are. Coincidentally, I am a teacher as well, SO What a happy coincidence!
    Glad to know you !
     

  2. Jennifer says:

    loving the shoes!!!
     
    i like your perspective on the kids issue. you are so wise.   my husband and i will be married 12 years this year and i feel we are just now getting into a good groove (although my blog of last night belies my words!) and i\’ve always thought in my secret heart of hearts that i just haven\’t been "grown-up " enough to have a child. 
     
     

  3. K says:

    I think that more people should wait to have kids… I watched an interview with Gena Davis the other day and she expressed how she is pleased to have waited until she was 47 yrs old to have her kids.  She said she was not prepared before to share her life, to be able to give unselfishly to her children… but at 50, she is much more confident, less needy and feels she knows herself to be able to give of herself to her kids without taking from them.  Great attitude.  But that works for her…
     
    The interesting thing is when you both choose to have children, together as a team, will be in the right mindset and better prepared than many who rush into it.  Biological clock or not, it is refreshing to see someone be true to herself.
     
    KC

  4. Sue says:

    Love the shoes!!  Like the hair cut also.  Short is supposed to be \’in\’ this summer I heard, but I\’ll have to check with Blondie on the truth of that rumor. LOL.  Good for you for knowing what you want.  I have a sis-in-law who is 42 and knows she doesn\’t want kids, period and a sis who is 46 and has no kids of her own.  They are okay.  They are normal, functioning, nice people.  Not too scary to be around.  Oh yeah, my other sis who just turned 40 – never married, no kids.  It\’s all good.
    Have a great day!
     
    Sue

  5. Dennis says:

    I love it when I am in YOUR head.  It is enunciated: E-Z-O-Tee.  Or sometimes E-Z-O-Tay if we are being all proper and sh*t. 
     
    Love the shoes …they are SO you.  And love the "Do" too babygirl.
     
    EZ or EZay …

  6. Karen says:

    It\’s so great that you know yourself well & trust yourself! I\’ve never been very self-confident, but I hope I can raise my daughter to be as attuned to herself as you are. Oh, and the shoes are fantastic!

  7. Antonella says:

    I\’m sure when you do decide to have kids you\’ll make a great mom!!! I think it\’s good to wait until you\’re ready, just don\’t wait too long because you might have trouble!! ( I have personal experiences with that stuff, and it\’s not fun!)
     
    About the apartment, I\’ve decided that I will send the application, but no letter(although that\’s a good idea). I just think that she\’s not worth my extra time my fiance and I are nice people and if she doesn\’t like us that\’s her problem!
     
    Have a great Easter/Passover/whatever other holiday there is weekend!!!!
     
    Antonella 

  8. Elizabeth says:

    OOOOH we could do some serious damage shoe shopping together. *drools*
    I\’m not freaked out about what Emily said. She\’s got quite an imagination and loves to make stories up. Not like "lies/stories". She reads a lot. That probably sums it up! :")
    Gotta run… I gotta headache I gotta try to get rid of. Tee Hee

  9. Laura says:

    Sometimes later is better. I agree with you there. As long as you are happy with your decision…  🙂 Isn\’t is always fun to dodge those questions of why you don\’t have kids?!? People just seem to expect it these days…

  10. Unknown says:

    I think 27/28 is a good time to have  baby,
    that\’s when I had my last two *smile*
    and they were the easiest, I think it\’s the
    maturity gained by that age.
    You\’re just 23…?
     
    See ya after Easter

  11. Laura says:

    Thanks for sending me to that site… you had the address correct.

  12. tassietoo says:

    I think the choice of when to have kids is very personal (no one else\’s business) and unique.  No one has to live with the choice but you and your husband, so that\’s who has to be comfortable with it!

  13. K says:

    BTW… I love love those shoes!  I have a pair similar… but in brown… not as colorful as yours…. and yes… the look… rocks!
     
    Happy Easter
    KC

  14. Tracy says:

    I am totally with you on this one.  I think a lot of people get married, then the wedding\’s over with…and it\’s kind of like OK the next logical step is to have kids.  I know exactly where you\’re at because it\’s been almost 5 yrs since A and I got married and that\’s all I heard from family, is "When are you gonna have kids"….little did they know it wasn\’t in the plan for us…we had his son half the time and it was perfect for us – yes I enjoyed the time we had him, but I also enjoyed the time we did not have him and it was just us and we could enjoy ourselves!  It amazes me, like you said, the people I see getting married at 22, and have a kid within 2 years.  I want to say, you have plenty of time to have kids – enjoy each other!! But hey to each their own and as I like to say, everyone\’s different and that\’s what makes the world go round!!

  15. Dena Marie says:

    Hey, KM.
     
    Well, there\’s nothing that I can say on this issue that hasn\’t already been said in the comments below. So I\’ll simply add a few words of encouragement.
     
    You seem strong in your decision, evidenced by the fact that it\’s already withstood several bouts of questioning. And I\’d be completely off-base to encourage you not to question it again—we smart folk question everything… a million times over! Right?  🙂  My encouragement is simply to continue trusting your own mind and heart in the face of a growing (and sometimes vocal) majority.
     
    Here\’s to people with strong minds and hearts!
     
    –DM

  16. Darcy says:

    Hey girl!
    I think that everyone should do what\’s right for THEM not do what\’s based on some random thought society has… you\’ll be ready when you\’re ready.  I sympathize, because being a young woman (27) who\’s decided not to have kids AT ALL, I hear the same type of thing all the time!  Stick to your truth with hub!  You\’re doing what\’s right for you!  good job recognizing that!
    D

  17. Dennis says:

    What do you mean no family this weekend?  Where the heck is everyone?  Do you want to come over???? 
     
    Sorry to throw so many questions at you. 
     
    EZ

  18. Unknown says:

    It\’s just us too this weekend. The Easter Bunny has a theme this year for the baskets and it\’s "Books".  Not much candy at all, thank goodness!  We\’re grilling shrimp Sunday…wanna come over??  
     
    We waited 5 years before kiddo\’s and we loved having that time together!  Do what\’s right for you.  Have a good weekend.
     
    Ashlie 

  19. Darcy says:

    How much longer is Hub gone?
     
    Thanks for the comment on my site… I can\’t \’say\’ on there, because who knows who reads it… There\’s a person in my life who can be very critical and accusatory towards me, all the while taking no responsibility for their weaknesses…. it really bugs me that people can be so quick to jump on you for a weakness, and think they have nothing wrong with them… GRRRR!  But then I think, ya, I"m not getting into it.  With people like that, there is no retort… there is nothing you can say that they don\’t twist to make as an excuse or an \’accusation\’.  Never mind the fact that they were just accusing you!  So I mmhmmm a lot and then screech about it on my site… how very effective hey?
    Hope you have a good weekend.  Besides fam dinner tomorrow, I\’m planning on chilling out for the next five days… message me on my site if you\’re around and want to msn for a few minutes…
    Take care
    D

  20. Misty says:

    I forgot to sign in, and I had wrote you this long blog entry.  Man that makes me so mad when I do that. 
        
         I wanted to just tell you that I think that it is wonderful that you waited to have children.  It is great that you where able to find yourself now instead of waiting until you have children.  You are one step ahead of many.  Children add so very much to your life, but they should enter when the time is right. 
     
          Have a very Happy Easter.  What church do you attend?  Easter is my favorite holiday.  It means so much to me.  We are all so very blessed.  May the Lord bless you always.  Have a wonderful Easter.  God Bless you and your family.
     
    Blessings,
    Misty and Family

  21. Nooner™ says:

    Nice to meet you, KM, through reading your WONDERFUL site!  Happy Easter to you and your family!
     
    Nooner

  22. Toni says:

    Hi–I enjoyed reading your blog–came here thru Sandman\’s page…and I love those shoes…so, so much. Your decision to wait to have kids is a good one…I don\’t regret having children early, but I would\’ve loved to have spent more time with my husband just strengthing our relationship…We will also be "trying to try" and have more this summer…I\’ll try to stop back by and read more…What kind of animals do you have?.

  23. Nadine says:

    Can you hear me gasp…………CUTE SHOES!!
     
     Take your time and enjoy being a married couple. Babies will come later…when you are ready!
     
     And you must post a pix!!
     
     

  24. Carol says:

    I was 28 when I had my first.  I wanted to make sure that H and I were secure and I wanted to have a house.  I joke that I almost planned my babies out of existence.  But it turned out great.
     
    Whatever works for you.  One of the happiest couples I know have no kids.  My sister had her only child at 41!  He\’s one of the cutest and nicest kids around.
     
    Have a great weekend!
    ~Carol
    PS I want those shoes!

  25. Unknown says:

    do you get the classic foot in mouth question : "so, why don\’t you have kids yet? or when are you going to have kids?"
     
    I think people should respond bluntly "because my husband is impotent" or "i\’m barren" and then walk away…just for the shock factor…to point out that it is a rather personal question.  Like, why aren\’t you guys getting married yet?  i
     
    I just think people are so clueless sometimes. sorry,where did that rant come  from. Good for you for waiting until it\’s right for you…then again…i don\’t think anyone is ever "reaady" for kids…but at the same time….you\’ll always figure it out as you go

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