Less than an Ode

What she wore: turqoise capris, white scoop-neck tee, white leather thong sandals.  For the tank: cammoflage cargos for boys, so they go past my knees; black tee that says "Make Levees, not war."  When I was wearing those cargos I walked past several people who had no idea who I was.

When I sent the Hub his Ode, he sent me back the following message: "Being gone is good for us–you’ve developed amnesia."  He’s right, any good description of a person will include some of their faults.  Here’s the knitty gritty on the Hub.
His Farts  My husband has the stinkiest farts EVER!  You may think I’m exaggerating, but I’m not.  Other MEN will reminise about the heineousness of his emissions.  You know that’s bad.  And I’ve basically had to give up making beans for fear that I’ll die of methane poisoning while I sleep.
He Can Be Gross:  Why wash something if you’re just going to get something dirty again?  That’s his motto.  My biggest pet peeve–he re-wears his socks.  Now, this would be fine if he had pristine feet, but he doesn’t.  I was literally afraid to open the closet door because of the smell coming out of it.  
And then he has this pair of underwear.  He used it to clean up and oil spill in the bathroom.  And he still wears it.  Covered in these disgusting brown stains.  Who wants to wash a pair of underwear covered in brown stains?  Not me.
He Can Be Lazy: He and his younger brother have actually raised this to an art form.  In the summer they watch HBO for hours while laying on the couch.  When something came on that they didn’t want to watch?  They would roll over and take a nap.  THEY WERE TOO LAZY TO CHANGE THE CHANNEL!  That’s pretty freakin’ lazy.
His mother got divorced when he was thirteen and after that she depended on her "boys" to help her with things like mowing the lawn.  He and his brother would wrestle over who had to do it.  Sometimes the grass would reach waist level before anyone would do it.  Then his mom would have to go on a cooking strike to get it done.  Poor woman.
So, he’s no angel.  I still love him.  And he’ll be home in less that ten days.  Have I mentioned that?  Am I getting obnoxious yet?
PS: Pics were taken and will be posted as soon as I get a chance.  I actually had a great time.

About takedeux

In one summer I had a baby who was hospitalized for five weeks, quit my job, and moved back to my hometown. This blog is about starting over.
This entry was posted in Random Musings. Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Less than an Ode

  1. Sue says:

    talk about him EVERY day!  It will make the time go by faster and that way you will recognize him when you see him!  Can\’t wait to see the pics of the dunking! 
    : )  Sue

  2. Unknown says:

    Glad to hear your hubby is coming home soon! I don\’t think I can be away from my boyfriend that long! I love the little quirky things that makes that someone special not perfect. That\’s what make them so special 🙂

  3. Dennis says:

    Sounds like every guy I know.  I like him!

  4. Antonella says:

    That is pretty gross!!! The oil stained underware is probably the worst of it though. If I were you, I\’d throw them out when he\’s sleeping or something(when he\’s not wearing them of course!)
    I can\’t wait to see those pics! The kids probably had a really good time with that!

  5. Nooner™ says:

    LMAO .. this is great!  I love the HBO story .. I do that too.  Seeing the pics of the dunking will be fun. I can\’t wait.

  6. Unknown says:

    I do believe that too much organization hampers creative thought. Most of the top students/creative minds (including me) have messy rooms. Hygiene is a totally different level. That\’s necessary. Otherwise, the stench would distract you.Well…after Charlie Brown, I\’m looking at a Senior Recital, Graduation (quite possibly as Valedictorian), a trip to New York, Freshman Orientation, and possibly a paying job at band camp. And parties. Can\’t forget the parties.-Josh "The Ender"

  7. David says:

    Yes it really is the small things that makes our wives love us!!!, but you miss the pet pieves when we are gone, lol!!

  8. Elizabeth says:

    Wow! I HAVE been away longer than I thought. You\’ve been busy with all these great entries and I\’ve been…doing what? I can\’t remember.
    I laughed like an idiot reading this. Have a great weekend!!

  9. Renee says:

    Sounds like your husband is a typical man after all!
     I can\’t wait to see you in that dunking booth!
    I can\’t help how much weight I am losing…all I am doing is eating right..I eat 5 times a day and 2 liters of water…I\’m sure it will slow down after the first 15…it always does …then I\’ll have to actually break a sweat to lose any more…lol….

  10. Unknown says:

    Do we want to know why there was an oil spill in the bathroom???  Hubby\’s farts are also HORRIFIC!  But it\’s the nightly emissions as he sleeps that gets me. 

  11. Unknown says:

    she is a red head and she does have a temper. don\’t they all?
    thanks for the comments on the pics. appreciated

  12. Unknown says:

    Still helping count down the days here…I\’m so freaking excited for you! It seems so funny how our little blog ring starts meaning so much.
    Mr. K do a little tushie wiggle for her on Monday…she needs to giggle today. Why you ask? Only because everyone knows Mondays are officially Mr. K bum wiggle day! (Whoa I\’m a poet and didn\’t know it!)
    The foot thing made me gag…OH and what in Granddaddys name was there oil doing spilled in the bathoom for him to wipe up w/ his panties? Where you two having crisco wrestling in there again?!?! I told you that you\’ all could be hurt!!!!
    lol, I\’m giggling,

  13. Toni says:

    the truth comes out–now we get the whole story…that farting can really be a problem! I don\’t have to worry so much about the rest. sounds like your hubby has set a new standard in laziness! funny! can\’t wait to see pics. toni

  14. Sandra says:

    it\’s a good job you love him ,
    with a reference like that no one else will want him …lol
    thanks for the" L" tip …
    never heard that one before ,that is so obvious ,I will remember that !
    have a good weekend

  15. Unknown says:

    Haaaaaaaa!  Funny.  I would say that\’s why I\’m a lesbian but the gender difference theory doesn\’t necessarily hold.  ;^)

  16. Alicia says:

    I\’d be obnoxious if I missed my man too!  You\’re entitled, Katy!!
    HUGS!!  🙂

  17. Gina says:

    ROFL @ the underwear part!  That is too funny, unless I was you, and then it wouldn\’t be so funny anymore.  Glad he is coming home in A WEEK!!!!  :o)

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