Recently, I was discussing a certain friend of mine with my husband. In a desperate attempt to not say anything nasty, I put my head in my hands and whispered, “I just think this friendship has . . . run its course.”
Is this such a terrible thing?
Surely everyone has experienced the type of friendship that just seems to get away from you. It’s not like you hate the person—in fact, you never think of them at all. It is as if the place in your life that they once occupied has been filled.
I’m not talking about those soul friends—the type of people who “get” you no matter what. You call these people and immediately feel back in sync. You’re catching up just for fun—not because you have to.
Some people just fill a space—maybe its geographical, maybe it situational, but in the end you don’t feel like trying to keep it going.
Is this such a terrible thing?
Here’s the deal: sometimes you don’t really understand a person, but they call and ask you to go shopping, and you don’t really have anything better to do, so you go. Maybe you even think they’re a little weird, but hey, you’re not doing anything. But, eventually, it all seems like more effort than it’s really worth and you just don’t want to do it anymore.
I think this thing has run its course.
KM
Note: I’m trying to move things around on my site–make it more reader friendly–so, if you come by and things look weird, that’s why!
The Barnyard 
I definatley know how you feel. I have a few friends like that, where I just feel like, ok, that\’s enough, we don\’t really know each other anymore, we barely talk, let\’s just let it go!
Those weren\’t Chinese slippers! They were Stever Madden flats, kind of ballerina looking, bronze colored and they gave me cuts on my heels.
Have a great weekend!
Antonella
this even happens with soul friends sometimes. different soul friends meet our different seasons of life.
with soul friends though, i think we continue to love them and feel connected even after 15 years of no contact.
I know how you feel…there is a girl I have known for 5 years…at first we were pretty tight…well I was her ride home from work for a while…but as time went on I felt like she was stuck in the "partying" phase of her life…I don\’t drink or enjoy bars so it seemed we had nothing in common for a while….but she keeps popping up every few months…her and her husband break up and get back together often…it gets so tiresome….whenever she calls I have to ask "ok are you guys together this week?" I feel so sorry for their kids…another thing that bothers me is she often asks me if I think her daughter is pretty…I think she thinks her own kid is ugly!!! I think she is adorable and in fact I witnessed her being born so she is extra special to me…sometimes I just wish I could keep the kid and lose the mom!
renee
No KM, I don\’t think this is a terrible thing at all. I think we all are a \’work in progress\’ and some of us progress faster than others. I have some friends who are still in the phase I was at 8 years ago and we just have nothing in common now. It is very tiring to hold a conversation with them because the things that are important to them seem so trivial to me now. I appreciate the time that we were close, but some times we just have to move on. It\’s no different than trying to hang on to a relationship that is just not working out – it becomes depressing and the best thing to do is move on gracefully. The close and dear friendships I hold on very tight to.
Have a wonderful weekend!
They say friendships are for "a reason, a season or a lifetime."
If this friendship has "run its course," then you have either reached the end of the season, or no longer have the need…the "reason" for this person in your life. It is not a terrible thing. There are people in my life with whom I spend very little time, yet I consider them very close friends. There are other people in my life with whom I may spend more time, yet they will never truly be close to me. We may enjoy each other\’s company, but I don\’t think of them the same way, or even the same amount as I think of others.
Christine
Does this mean it\’s over between us???
Love the shoes!!!
I like what you did with the 8 perfect lover tag…..I don\’t think I like that "shake things up" either. I think those type people go into like that to scare folks……it works!!! I like the approach "if it works don\’t fix it!"
Have a great weekend!!
By the way….Almost forgot……….I board a lot of dogs and cats. I have been accused of taking some home with me becuz the dogs like to stay with me. I am like "Cool Aunt Phoebe". Lots of treats and lovin\’! I really hate it when they die! The owners sense the attachment and take them to the over office for the dreadful day. And I am glad of it!
All you can do is be there if she wants to start making an effort back. Otherwise, I wouldn\’t worry about it or put that much effort into it right now. It\’s just too exhausting. And for what? Hate to be cliche, but que sera, sera. Unfortunately the only thing that you can do is give it some time and see what happens. Sometimes people whom we were once close to become merely acquaintances, whether by consequence, choice or plain life getting in the way. Sometimes it\’s someone\’s fault and sometimes it\’s not. That\’s life I guess. That doesn\’t neccessarily mean that you don\’t care about that person or want them to be happy, it\’s just different and that\’s fine. On the flip side, it\’s also nice to know that with certain friends, no matter how much of life or time gets in the way, they will always be "bosum buddies".
I had it narrowed down to one of two choices. I guessed the wrong one, but it was glaringly obvious after the fact. I\’m sure you can imagine what my thoughts on that one are. Call me when you get a chance. I have some interesting news.
I have friends and then I have real friends. Only a few that I puit in the real category. My grandmother always said if you have a friend you can survive anything. I believe her…
I recently posted this on another persons site who is experiencing something very similar and I will share it with you as well… Everything happens for a reasons… just doesn\’t take the pain or numbness away… It simply takes a bit of time.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But only for a season…
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Ciao bella,
KC
You must have been reading my mind. I have always wanted you to put up a list that links to photos of specific fashion styles that you mention in your posts.
This is a terrific idea for us style challenged guys. We may have seen the styels and even appreciated them from a respectful distance. But we have no clue what the style name is called. Now I finally know what a "kitten" heel is. It was driving me crazy.
You might just want to link an illustration in your posts when using these style names. That way you won\’t have to create a list. But I love the list concept too. Thank you oh great fashion one.
EZ
I believe everyone comes into our lives for a purpose. Some come into our lives for only a short time. You may not even realize the significance of their presence, but they are or were there for a reason. But then it\’s time to move on. No reason to feel bad. Sometimes, they just run their course.
: ) Sue
Funny, I felt this way about an ex husband. 😉
The space is looking great!
I simply let friendships have some distance, when they start telling me how wrong I am, about just about anything I\’m doing at that time. I wouldn\’t dare say such things as, "that was stupid of you to do that."
Then why do we give that kind of power to our friends?
If, someone walked up to you in a bar, just how would you react to such a comment. Sometimes our friends without even their realizing it, that there insensitivity is just not being very helpful.
As your earlier commenters have mentioned and I believe as well.
After much thought, I too have come to the conclusion that friendships have a life expectancy, all there own,
just like our lives do.
There\’s the birth stage where we are so happy to be alive around our new found friend. Just like the birth of a baby, we can\’t gush enough in the telling of others, who are new friend is.
Then there\’s that middle of friendship road I mentioned earlier, where they like a teenager; can\’t help telling what you should do in this or any other situation. You just don\’t know what you\’re doing.
Followed by that uneventful death of the not to long ago wonderful birth of the aforementioned friendship.
It\’s all over, they are dead to you now. You don\’t even exchange hello\’s cordially or even talk about something as simple as the weather.
The various reasons for the ending of many friendships are as varied as the stars above. The most wonderful thing we can do in any friendship is to just be in the moment, don\’t fear that this could all end at any minute. Just be.
Let\’s drink and be merry,
S.
I was just out blog walking, and read your blog. I can\’t believe that there are so many other people out there who have experienced the same thing. I always thought the only reason you stopped being friends with someone, was because they moved, not because YOU have moved on.
great space, by the way. I will be back!
I think that this is normal. Especially at the age we are at — it\’s sometimes hard to stay friends with people from high school or college just because people change. I have thought about this lately as I am trying to meet new people — it\’s like well what if I hang out with them a few times and then don\’t like them — it\’s not like a boyfriend where you can just break up! LOL! I had a very very close best friend in college who I totally just broke it off with a couple years ago when I realized I was doing so much talking behind her back, I didn\’t agree with so much that she did, and finally I said OK I just can\’t be friends with this person anymore. SO I think you are totally normal, it happens to everyone!
For me I have tened to attract friends for certain times points in my life, and with the eb and flow of life some have come and gone to come back in.
This is not a terrible thing, only natural. Some friends are forever, others are for the moment; I think it\’s this way for everyone.
I read your blog all of the time, but this is my first comment.
I know exactly what you mean, and after much deliberation…no I don\’t think it\’s a terrible thing. I think we have different friends at different times in our lives…..some just aren\’t meant for the long haul.
PS. I love your site.
you\’re not wrong, mean or crazy – there\’s some poem about friends and some are there for a reason, a season, a something else that rhymed. And it\’s true, you have the ones that you click w on a soul deep 75 years later you are still friends and some who help in your life at a certain time and then pass on.
When I found out I was pregnant and especially once I realized that I was going to be an UNWED mom since he all of the sudden remembered pressing engagements else where 😉 I had a work friend who stepped forward in the most incredible way. She was helpful during my pregnancy and after the baby came. Funny and supportive in my time of crisis. The funny thing was that once I was settled into the Mom Routine, SHE\’S the one who started to pull away. And it was a while before I realized, she liked helping people in times of trouble… and once they were out of trouble, she\’d move on to another hot spot…. We talk but not like we used to, I still consider her a friend and she\’s a good woman but she was definitely a "season/reason" friend.
I, too, have a friendship that has run it\’s course…I think it just has to happen sometimes…
HUGS!!
P.S. LOVE all the shoe pics!!!
I don\’t think it\’s a bad thing–sometimes these things happen–has for me. I don\’t understand the people who insist upon continuing the pretense of friendship long after they know it\’s over.
I completely agree that sometimes a friendship "runs its course", and just as life changes, so do friendships. And I don\’t think that is a terrible thing…more like a necessary thing!