What she Wore: baggy jean capris, t-shirt from Qatar that the Hub brought back for me, brown leather sandals that I’ve had for about a million years.  The t-shirt has a camel on it and reads, "operation Iraqi freedom, Qatar, desert paradise."  My brother said I looked like a Republican, and I don’t think he meant that as a compliment.

Warning: This Blog is pg-13 (or maybe R)
Before I head off to the beach where my husband has banned all computers, blogging, etc. I will leave you with a funny beach story from years gone by.
When the Hub and I go to the beach, we go to a time share that his father bought years ago. Purchased during his Bachelor days, the place is basically one big room with a kitchen, one queen sized bed, and a queen-sized sleeper sofa.  In the back there’s two sinks, a bathroom, and a really big closet.   The listed occupancy is three, but we always squeeze in four or five. 
I am a very light sleeper and it’s always a bit of a struggle for me to sleep especially with all the smacking, snoring, grunting, etc. that other people do in their sleep.  On this last trip it became especially bad.
In the middle of the night I begin to hear a grunting sound: Uh, uh, uuuuuh.
"Oh my God," I think, "someone is having sex in this condo."
This is like a nightmare for me.  I lie there frozen trying to figure out what is going on.  Meanwhile, I hear:
I discern that the sound is coming from the giant closet in the back of the condo.  The only person who’s supposed to be back there is my husband’s best friend who’d decided to throw down an air mattress back there.  HE’S ALONE!  This could be worse than I thought.  The grunting gets louder and louder. . I’m wondering if he picked up some hootchie on the beach, but I don’t hear a second person.  I am totally freaked out. 
I almost died.  Clearly this is some kind of personal moment and I have no business intruding.  I screw my eyes shut and try to sleep (or pretend to sleep). 
I then hear a few gasps and the sounds stop.  It was as if it had never happened. 
The next day, after emerging from the closet (that sounds funny), the best friend says, "I had the weirdest dream last night.  I dreamed I was stuck in a dump truck.  I even got up and started banging on the wall trying to find a way out.  I didn’t realize I was in the closet until my hands hit the hangers in that closet."
Can you say WHEW?
This trip is always an adventure.
Enjoy your fourth, and consider the "What she Wore" for this week to be: swim suit, sun hat, flip flops, and a ton of sun block.   

About takedeux

In one summer I had a baby who was hospitalized for five weeks, quit my job, and moved back to my hometown. This blog is about starting over.
This entry was posted in Stories From My Past. Bookmark the permalink.

53 Responses to Nightmares

  1. Sue says:

    How hilarious!  I would have been dying too!  Pretend to be asleep, pretend to be asleep…  Glad he told you he was having a nightmare.. or was it??
    Have a blast at the beach!
    : ) Sue

  2. Nooner™ says:

    LOL .. I\’m here because you told me "you will like today\’s post" .. lol.
    I\’m starting to read it .. and thinking … this KM nut must think I self-indulge alot; that\’s why she said \’you will like today\’s post\’ .. lol
    Post is pretty darn good .. Poor guy .. Tis not fun to have a bit of a scare of a dream and wake up in other than your usual surroundings.
    Since your a fashion favorite of mine, I got a kick out of your "away" "what she wore" description that included "sun hat" .. lol .. Do you have any idea you bring big smiles to people like me from your writings .. lol .. "Sun Hat" <— lol.
    I\’m not sure about this Spaces business. I go through Highs and Lows .. I know I\’m a bit out in left field at times, yet I don\’t know why I went from 40 visitors a day for awhile to about 4 now. Seems kind of a pain to put in the effort for new blogs. I much prefer to visit others and read their things .. yet I feel guilty if I don\’t post some crapola every few days. What do you like to do better?  Write, or go blog hopping?
    Here\’s hoping you and Hub are having a Fantastic va-ka!

  3. CJ says:

    Our little grunts and moans are definitely cutely than their fart noises…or even their manly grunts and moans!  LOL…what a great laugh!  I would have locked the closet door!

  4. Unknown says:

    Love that story.  Funny!
    Thanks for coming by my Space and for your very nice comment.  Yours is cool, too.
    Have a great time at the beach!

  5. Unknown says:

    Have a BLAST chica! I\’ll be thinking of you!
    I want to hear the one about you and hubby in the closet!!!!

  6. Stacy says:

    You had me rolling with that one.  I probably would have died.  DId you ever tell anyone what you thought? 

  7. KEL says:

    those crazy dreams…you just never know what you\’re going to wake up to!  ha, good story!

  8. K says:

    OMG that was just too funny… freaky… funny!  Sure he was dreaming about being in a dump truck… that\’s the excuse I give my neighbours each and every times!!!!
    Ciao bella,
    PS… Intuition and psychic abilities are pretty much the same hun.  We are all blessed with it… I personally believe that psychic abilities are abilities that are perhaps more attuned to intuition at it\’s highest power.  Does that make sense?  It\’s just my personal opinion of course….

  9. Jaysey says:

    LMAO!  Have a lovely vacay!

  10. Mike says:

    I am 60 years old. I am a Catholic Brother in the Oblates of Mary Immacula. I been in the religious order for 30 years. I have a Master\’s in Social Work; I specialized in Subsatnce Abuse, Family and Individual Counseling. I have M.S. in the active stage of my life. I likw to talk to people who like to talk to me.

  11. Sheryl-Ann says:

    I was holding my breath all throughout your story and I only exhaled when I read WHEW (laugh).  That would have totally freaked me out, and I would have gotten up and banged on the closet door (smile).
    I hope you enjoy your time on the Redneck Riviera (I love that term!)……….I will be stuck here watching soccer and baseball and doing research (sigh).  Happy 4th of July!

  12. IegnA says:

    LOL!  LOL!  all I could think was "ewwww, not here, ewwww".  Glad it was a dream.
    Have fun at the beach.

  13. Karen says:

    That is the FUNNIEST thing I\’ve heard in a long time.  How hilarious 🙂
    I hope you all have a wonderful trip!

  14. Laura says:

    I don\’t believe it for a second…. he was probably worried someone heard him so had to come up with a cover stary… ha ha. Well, have a great time in the water… you probably shoudln\’t read my post until AFTER your beach adventure… you have been WARNED!!!

  15. Unknown says:

    Ms. B1tch is laughing and laughing and laughing!!!!

  16. Nadine says:

    Yeaaaah Right!! That is his story!! If you buy that I have some swamp land in New Mexico for sale! Men are all about whackin!! And if it\’s wall bangin\’ whackin\’…….Can you imagine what the real deal would be like??? uuuhhhhh……or not!!!
    Have a great Indenpence Day!!

  17. Nadine says:

    And fartin……men are all about whackin\’ and fartin\’!!!

  18. Gracia says:

    How crazy!! Hahahaha…
    I would have died if that had happend to me….listening to that grunting….lol
    Still laughing…..

  19. WINDOW LIVE says:

    Laughed til I almost wet myself.  I wish I were at the beach.  Have a great time! Happy 4th

  20. Tracy says:

    Haha that is hilarious!!!  I hope you have an awesome trip!

  21. Jo says:

    LMAO! That was great! And better yet, he was in the closet when he did it! The Irony!!!!!
    Have a Fabulous weekend, and the Hubby is right, it\’s time to relax! Enjoy!

  22. Elizabeth says:

    Have a fab time!

  23. Unknown says:

    That is too funny!!  Did you wake up your hubby?  I would have woke up mine.  Just to share in the awkwardness.  : )  As you know, my friend was here earlier in the week with her hubby and 4 children…I couldn\’t sleep that whole night either, with all the sounds and rustling around that they all were making.  They were down the hall, but still.  And then…my alarm clock…was one of the six of them ripping a big one.  Seriously.  My friend L said she had no clue which one it was and had to get out of there before she figured it out LOL
    God bless : )

  24. Rosebay says:

    Great story. LMAO Have a great time. While in Sarasote look north and wave. I\’ll be waving back from about an hour away.

  25. Unknown says:

    LOL….That is so funny, I have tears running down my cheeks. Thank god it was a dream about a dump truck, did you ever share what you thought was really going on. I would have been so red in the face when he came out of the closet in the morning I dont know that I could have stuck around to hear what was going on!

  26. Jen says:

    Too freakin\’ funny.  I wonder if he\’s a good at bluffing? :o)

  27. Alicia says:

    LMAO!!  You always tell the FUNNIEST stories, Katy!!  Hope you enjoy your time at the beach!!
    P.S. LOVE the new look on your site!!

  28. Andrea says:

    Yeah right.  Likely story.  Oh well I got a good laugh out of it. 

  29. barnyardmama says:

    @Nadine–there are some things I prefer not to imagine.
    @Carrie–I was too scared to move–I don\’t know why, but I was frozen in place. 

  30. siobhan says:

    Hysterical!!!!  Laugh out loud funny.  Have to share that one with the hubby.  Enjoy the beach.  Wish I was there.  107 degrees today!!

  31. Jaysey says:

    Definitely investigate the sheets–it\’s a whole new world, and once you enter, you never turn back. 🙂

  32. Unknown says:

    Have fun chica!  That really was a funny story.  I have to tell you though that having been a nurse for decades, I probably would have bounded out of bed, thrown open the closet door, and checked to see if the guy needed CPR.  ;^)

  33. Antonella says:

    OMG, that\’s hilarious!! Have a great weekend at the beach! DOn\’t forget the sun block!

  34. Sue says:

    Good girl…  you are out having fun!
    : ) Sue

  35. Nooner™ says:

    I know I commented on this post yesterday, but the blog was well worth a second read.
    What a perfect excuse I can use when I visit friends … I dreamt I was locked up inside a dumptruck .. lol

  36. Michelle says:

    Found your site through Nooner.  He\’s obviously a big fan and I can totally see why.  This is great fun!  Hysterical story.  I\’ll be back often!

  37. Dennis says:

    Swim suit, sun hat , flip flops?  Can you say photo op?????

  38. Elizabeth says:

    I sure hope you\’re enjoying your vacation while us poor losers have to sit here amongst dishes, laundry…the list goes on and on. 🙂

  39. Unknown says:

    hahaha. Oh wow. This entry really made me laugh out loud. How FUNNY!

  40. Hollie says:

    too funny!
    Hope you have an awesome time away!

  41. Unknown says:

    To repeat what a few others have said, LMAO!!
    Life is just soooooooooooooo great!

  42. CJ says:

    Just popping back in to wish you a safe and happy 4th of July! 

  43. Nooner™ says:

    Hi KM,
    Thinking of you and hoping your vacation is going greattttt. Happy Fourth!

  44. . says:

    OH MY GOD! That is DEFINITELY NOT what I was thinking was going on in there. I think I would have to sleep outside with all the funky things that could possibly be going on in there!

  45. Toni says:

    whew…that was a close one. what an awkward situation THAT could\’ve turned out to be–too funny. hope you are enjoying the beach! ~toni

  46. Jaysey says:

    Hope you had a great fourth!

  47. Karen says:

    I hope your 4th was wonderful & that you\’re having a marvelous week!!

  48. Alicia says:

    Hi Katy!
    I was going to e-mail this to you and then I realized I don\’t have your addy…so I will post it here and also leave you my e-mail addy:
    I just got this joke in my e-mail and the 2 people I immediately thought of were you and Nadine!!!  hehehehe  Here it is:

    A young blonde was on vacation and driving thr the Everglades. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. 
    After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I\’ll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes for free!" 
    The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile,"Little lady, just go and give it a try!"
    The blonde headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch analligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the levee where he spots that same young woman standing waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand.
    Just then,he spots a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy bank of the swamp. Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggled and flipped the gator onto its back. Rolling her eyes heaven-ward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out . "SHIT…THIS ONE\’S BAREFOOT TOO!"
    Let me know if it made you laugh!!!
    HUGS!!  🙂

  49. Gina says:

    LOL! Sure likely story, I think he was just covering up…:o)

  50. Unknown says:

    Ms. B1tch hopes you visit many good restaurants and of course will be on your best behavior, because you will be thinking o fMs. B1tch.

  51. Nooner™ says:

    Hi KM,
    Back to leave you a note to say "I miss you!"
    Hope the Va-Ka is wonderful !!

  52. David says:

    Hahaha! That\’s funny!!! 🙂 And here you were thinking someone was gettin\’ some action in the closet!!!

    -David //BootJockey

  53. melissa says:

    OHHH!! that is too too funny…one day my sister in law calls me from work…this is how it went..
    me: "hello"
    her, whispering: "melissa…i have a problem:"
    me: k…..what? (im whispering too)
    her: my boss thinks i left for lunch…but i wasnt gone in the break room…(long pause)
    her:…shes having an affair with the mail man….(long pause again)
    her: *still whispering*  melissa…..shes having sex with him right now…..
    me: *laughing my ass off now* where?????
    her: right there in the other room……
    me: throw a book or something…..
    her: i cant do that… know im here…
    me: ok…do you like hearing what your hearing right now???
    her: no…..
    then she very quietly tried to clear her throat and started choking instead…which solved everything… was completely silent for a little while…and then…would you freakin believe…the mail man comes into the break room and asks…."hey how are ya??" omigosh…i laughed for days……

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