I guess I wasn’t very discreet yesterday when I talked about my "plans." Even the boys figured it out (I’m sorry, but they’re all boys in my mind). So I will go ahead and admit that the Hub and I are in that stage of life that is euphemistically called "trying." I guess "having sex with a purpose" was already taken. I won’t be blogging too much about ovulation and the like, though, because the whole thing scares the pants off me. Today I’ll put up the long and short of it and then I’ll leave it alone.
Here are my fears (and this is no small list):
- God did not intend for everyone to be parents. Since I was eighteen I’ve had weird aches and pains in the area of my ovaries. I have no idea if it is anything serious since I declined to have a laparoscopy done when these things all started. If God does not see child-bearing in my future than I will not argue with him. I will also say that a palm reader once told me that I would have two children, possibly twins.
- Major life changes scare the bejesus out of me even if it’s something I want. When I first got engaged I would hide my hand under the table, so people wouldn’t ask me about the ring. Talking about weddings, engagements, and all was a bit overwhelming. I had to ease into the whole thing. My mother dragging me around to every reception place/florist/cake maker in town helped.
- I think that having children is, in many ways, the ultimate act of audacity. Of all the people in the world, YOU will make an amazing parent who will have perfect children that will have no problems. Looking around, it’s clear that no child is perfect and there is no way to determine who will have wonderful kids and who will have sociopaths. It’s like the lottery. The Hub says I’ve worked with kids on the brink for too long–I say I’m realistic. Most people don’t think about having kids–they just get pregnant. These are also the people who don’t understand when girls like me have fear and doubts.
- I’m afraid my kids will inherit all of my brain-chemistry baggage. The Hub is terribly well-adjusted. What will he do if he gets a depressed twelve-year-old that needs to be medicated? What will I do? At least I’ll be completely aware of the symptoms and there won’t be any confusion about what it is.
- What will happen if I become one of those boring-ass people who talks about their kid’s bowel movements and such? Will Katy disappear? I guess the internet has helped with this one. Girls like Toni and Mocha have proven that even having kids at a young age doesn’t have to mean compromising your personality and overall fabulousness.
- Will I lose sight of my marriage? I see so many couples that don’t even have time to talk to one another. Mom’s got the kids and dad’s got his thing (Jenn, I had NO idea how to puncutate that one). I LOVE my husband and in no way want to jeopardize what we have. I feel certain that I could only have children with his love and support.
This is the part where people usually tell me I shouldn’t have kids, but here’s the pros or whatever you would call it.
- I have read a LOT on the subject: baby naming, maternity fashion, should you have kids?, Jenny McCarthy’s book. All that info, and all my fears, and I still think I want to do it.
- I am certain that there is more to life than this. My dreams for my life include a house filled with smiles and laughter, homework sessions, and popcorn. These things don’t seem possible without children.
- I love watching children and I am freakishly delighted when people think that I am someone else’s mom. Imagine the pride I would feel if I had my own kids.
- I actually really like teenagers. This makes me a freak, I know. Ages ten to fourteen are a little shaky, but the rest of the time kids seem pretty great. I figure if you can LIKE teenagers when they’re not even yours, you might be able to do the whole kid thing.
- There’s just something about babies. They’re magical. Everyone in a room gravitates right on over.
Wow, I had no idea this was going to be such a long entry. Sorry if I put everyone to sleep, but apparently, I had something to say.
KM
If this entry was too serious for you: imagine me dancing around my den MTV-style to the radio. I think it counts as exercise, right?
The Barnyard 
I look at my kids everyday and can\’t believe I\’m their mother…..I am so not mother material, yet somehow I manage to pull it off. Some days better then others. I don\’t think there is anything anyone can say to prepare you for being a parent…..
Children are one of Gods most amazing gifts. I get teary eyed just remembering. I can honestly say, if I had it all to do over again, I would in a heart beat! I am definitely not your "typical" mother, but somehow my children survived me and they seem to have turned out just fine. Good luck to you!
Katy, I know you are going to be an awesome mom, especially with as terrific a husband as you have supporting you. Just promise me that we will still be able to hang out and have fun when you are a mom and I am still a "singleton". If I thought that all my friends were going to change and lose their fabulousness and never want to hang out with me after they have kids because we no longer had anything in common, I might literally have a complete breakdown.
As far as the shot thing, that\’s so EVIL. If I happen to be the drunkest one in the group, chances are that I would gladly take the extra shot someone handed me out of sheer alcohol induced stupidity, but that would be a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE thing to do to me.
@Karla–if I\’m ever talking about poop and I\’m not making you laugh I give you permission to slap me or make me take a shot–your choice.
So exciting!! I think those fears are normal – and I\’m not a parent but I hear that so many of them just go away the minute the baby is born! I think you will make a GREAT mom, you are so good with the kids at school. Heehee I am so excited for you, I will think good thoughts for y\’all!!!
And about your comment, lol, well I guess I shoulda been clear that it is noone that any of you would have heard of, they are new and no album out yet — but I guess still some peopel get excited about that. I usually don\’t, unless there is a majorly hot singer who often comes to my office. Ha!
I could say that you have the qualities that will make you a wonderful parent and that your children will be one of the greatest joys in your life, but I won\’t. I am not saying that either of the above are not true, but I think that having children at any age (young or old) is a challenge. There will be days when the sun can\’t shine any brighter and then there will be days it seems like the world might crumble around you. Children will try your patience but they will also teach you so much more. I think having a child (or children) is a blessing and journey. I wish you many blessings to come…..
~K
It\’s the people who don\’t ask the questions who ought not to have children. Your fears are pretty normal as far as I can tell. The fact that your marriage is so important to you is one of the factors that will make you a good parent. There is nothing easy about choosing the path of parenthood. But I doubt that if you are so blessed, you will ever regret it.
LOL… well it would seem that you have put some thought into it and have somewhat prepared yourself mentally for what is to come. I am sure there are things that we are never prepared for but the end results are amazing! So I say… you have a supporting husband… friends who adore you and I am sure will be full of support… you can do this like no other!
Or at least… have fun in the sack trying…. cause dammit… that\’s what I want to do… practice… it does make perfect. right?
Ciao bella,
KC
Congrats on "the plan"
cool, cool, COOL! I got a shout out. Just so you know, being a mom is pretty great. I do admit to the occasional poopy-talk; it\’s just something that has to be covered every once in a while. I think if you\’re scared or nervous about becoming a parent, or even thinking about becoming a parent, then chances are, you\’ll make a damn good parent. Plus, you work with kids everyday. You\’ve got the later years handled all ready–those are the ones I\’m worried about. Look at you. I personally can\’t wait until you cover maternity fashion…and baby-naming–that\’s the most fun. ~Toni
Hi KM,
One, I must be going through a phase. I want so much to visit you here and a handful of others, but I just seem to stagnate writing a blog of my own and responding to comments. It just isn\’t fair. I know. I just have tons of crapola happening to me. And I\’m not a blogger type that shares what is happening with ME. Long way of saying I apologize for not visiting you more!
Two, I guess I missed this whole Argenta business. I see the pics. Which are FANTASTICALLY beautiful, but I have no clue as to what or where "Argenta" is ..
Three, you should start a Photo Album of your shoes! You are kewl .. your shoes are kewl .. and a Photo Album of just those — to follow along with the "what she wore\’ .. would be fun to follow!
Four, I\’m so looking forward to following your life into motherhood. You will be a wonderful parent. You are a wonderful teacher and spouse and online friend to many. Your life with Hub will change .. but that isn\’t saying it will change for the worse. It bonds you more even more at times .. and it changes you too sometimes .. One thing is absolutely sure: Even if the marital feelings change even ever-so-slightly, one thing will not change: you will totally be in love with any and all children who come into your life!
~Nooner~
You think about it way too much. If you\’re meant to be a mommy, you will be. When junior arrives, you\’ll know what to do and you will LOVE it. Books and such are helpful, but your instinct will kick in and you will just know your child and all will be fine. Don\’t sweat it so much girl. Don\’t think so much. Just practice, practice, practice!
: ) Sue
my initial thought was they got the grant and did the study to use the drug legally, document it, and tell everyone how \’groovy\’ it was. I also wonder if they used it in a room wth black lights and posters with strobe lights? Hmmm…. guess I\’m really dating myself now.
: ) Sue
Hey! New reader here, kinda weird that I\’m introducing myself on such a personal entry but hey 😉
I so agree with Dawn, saying she\’s not \’mother material\’ but manages to pull it off…and Nurse Pam who says "It\’s the people who don\’t ask the questions who ought not to have children." Hear, hear! I think worrying about these things is absolutely normal, but definitely don\’t let it turn into serious anxiety and affect your enjoyment of one of the most fantastic stages of your life!
Have fun. Be you. Everything else will fall into place.
Enjoying your blog,
Mandy
I\’m going to try NOT to sound like a know-it-all:
Having had a child in my teens was not in my plans, but darn! That girl was one determined zygote! Most of the decisions I made were out of desperation and a need to just do something and it turned out extremely well. She\’s not the statistic everyone expected her to be because of my choices.
Part of being desperate and part of the fear I had parenting her (my first thoughts when she was born included "Dear God. Don\’t let me screw her up.") gave me permission to see what mistakes I was making and what a joy it was to learn from them.
In my humble opinion, that is what made me a unique and good mom. If the fabulousness comes from there, so be it.
Katy, you flatter me. I just adore this entire post. So fresh and honest. Best of luck in the trying and, for crying out loud, have fun in the trying! 😉
Kelly
I hope you do blog about your kids\’ BMs because I have a feeling coming from you it would be hilarious!
I also totally agree that keeping your marriage in perspective is important when you have kids. I observed to my husband that we never saw our neighbors all go out together. It was always mom and the 2 kids and dad did his thing all the time and then a few months later the kids came over and announced "mommy and daddy are getting divorced". I am sure the parents loved that but you could totally see it coming!
Good Luck with "tryin"!
Life is like a box of chocolates – you never know what you gonna get. However, we open the box and eat the chocolates anyway, right (smile)? You will be fine as a mom, and even if these fears are normal, don\’t worry about them too much. When that baby plops out, you and the hub will love it and give your life for it so enjoy the trying part (smile).
These are exciting times! Lots of exciting stuff happening in the blogosphere. Take care and try to exercise – I heard it helps with the whole baby-making process, and you get back into shape quickly afterwards.
Believe it or not – everyone has their own fears of being a parent. I was excited and couldn\’t wait with all of my children (3), however, I also had great fears also. Especially with #2 – Would I still love #1 as much, how can I do this to him and intrude on his life as an only, did I really want to do this? And all of these questions came about after I got pregnant with #2. I had much more doubt with #2 than #1. However, #3 was easy as pie. I knew what I was in for with that one. LOL
-S.
Do not over think this….If it is meant to be it will happen. And really, you will be a good parent. I have been reading this blog for like…EVER….and I get the sense that your "School" kids adore you. You go to bat for them….You care about kids.
And when it is your own…..it is so great!!
And if it doesn\’t happen don\’t beat yourself up about it. I watch several couples that do not have kids and they are super with each other.
Since our kids are grown and gone living their own lives, we do more with each other, kinda like dating.
It is a tough call which is better. Both have pros and cons……and what ever path you take, YOU WILL BE OKAY!!
I caught on yesterday but I didn\’t want to let the cat outta the bag!! That is your dog to show off!!
Honey….I could write several novels on this one!!! You\’ll do just fine! I had/still have many of those fears. It all just works out and at the end of every day you get these tiny wet kisses and "I loves yous!" and it\’s all worth it!
~Ashlie
Okay a topic I know. It is easy to like teens if they do not live with you. It takes work when they do. The scope was so easy. I had it done. I had a complete hyst at 33. I have not had kids of my own. I am so happy to have three kids. ( Most of the time, they are teens.) Yes having kids is like rolling dice, or a Forest would say " like a box of chocolates". You are grounded and your cons are real. But so are the pros. Do not let a child come between you. Remember children are happier when their parents openly love each other. ( not sicko love, ya know.) I wish you all the best.
awww…babies are magical….and as they get older they are sooo cool…mine keep me grounded…im 24 and i have 3..yeah….3…..but ya know…..every day im guaranteed a good time and lots of laughs……and yaeah there are days when you just want to tie yourself up and calll 911 so somebody can come save you….but its sooo friggin worth it…….
OH and i took your advice and reposted my comment about the "phone-call" i was out of stuff to say so i just did it…..thanks ….
p.s. ive had my coke and my coffee..and am in a decent good mood today…hmmm…..
What a very exciting time for the two of you!!!!!!! I haven\’t really been around very long but reading your blog and several others, you are real. Real hopes, concerns, friendships, fears etc. I have a feeling you\’ll have lots of fun trying and lots of fun being a mom. Mine are 15-13 and a 10 year old step son. I can sit here and laugh or cry at any given moment depending on what I think about with them. They truly are a blessing, and THANK YOU, for reminding me of that! I need to remember way back when with them and not now where the 13 year old girl is bored and coloring pieces of her hair with a blue sharpie marker! LOL
I will keep you and your Hub in my thoughts and prayers! Good Luck!!!!!
Okay…I am blogging about this because I have way too much to say in the comments section..LOL. Stop by later.
I say go for it! Life is too short! You will be a great mom! Don\’t sweat the stuff that you can\’t control.
M and I aren\’t fortunate to have children together, but we share responsibility for A, so he has the opportunity to be a great stepdad and I love him for it.
I think you will do fantastic!
Becca
Well girl, I just posted on your previous entry asking if you were "trying" LOL Then I look up here and HELLO got my answer.
You KNOW I\’m in the same boat right now….hubby and I are trying, have been for 9 months. Let me tell you something that I have found out so far. Our mothers lie to us about how easy it is to get pregnant. My mom was GOOD. She had me believing it would happen the first time, without a doubt. I was a sucker!
I probably know WAY too much about "trying" and ovulating and all that crap, but I won\’t post anything here for several reasons, the main one being I don\’t want to scare you off if that kind of stuff freaks you out. But I have to say..it\’s really interesting actually LOL. And…it\’s almost like a science experiment at this point…not the sex, but the other stuff, you know LOL
If you ever want to "talk" you can email me at: carrie3218@yahoo.com That\’s not my main email, but I check it pretty often anyway.
Good luck!!!
God bless : )
Being a parent of a stubborn, thoughtful, loving, 19 year old Heaven Sent Accident, I can tell you the fears are normal – you should be more concerned if you or the hubby didn\’t have any at all. But I will tell you the fears stay with you even after they are born (new fears are often added). No one has ever raised a child without many fears and no parent is perfect either. You learn, together, (parents and child/children) as time goes on – you adjust, get frustrated, heal hurts, learn from mistakes and raise your children the best way you believe. You pray that your choices were the right ones and everything tends to come out fine (or can be fixed), no permanent harm done. Your support system is valuable at every aspect of your life (single friends, married friends, parents, in-laws, other family members, yourselves) whether you have children or not. My Mom gave me some sound advice when I realized I was raising a very smart but stubborn as all get out daughter. She told me to choose my fights, to choose what is important enough to lay down the law and what could be negotiated. She was right and I was never experienced the "terrible twos" or "teen years" with her. Mom also told me not to forget that I was married first and to tend to that marriage as kids grow up and move away but you are married for life. And having kids does make you see life from a whole different, wonderful, new angle each day. You will think when have I ever laughed as much or cried so hard BK (BK-Before Kids).
Sorry about being so long winded. Just sit down and have a caffine free Diet Coke whenever you start having those anixety attacks and remember you are not alone!
R.
Katey, I went through a lot of this trying to get pregnant myself. First, have the laparoscopy. This is very important. It is not just for finding out if you can get pregnant, it is also to make sure that you\’re okay and that there isn\’t anything wrong. I had one!!! Please have it done!!!!!
Second, Stop thinking so much. No One has "perfect" kids. And the one that believe they do usually end up bailing them out of jail. You will be a good parent because you will love your child.
Third, Your relationship with your husband may change, but it will get deeper and even closer.
Fourth, My hubby is ADHD and a little OCD. I\’m not. We figure we got a 50/50 chance of Conor having it or not. Either is fine. We know how to deal with it, and Robert will be able to understand what Conor is going thru if he does. Worry about stuff like that when you need to and not until then.
And last….(sorry it\’s so long) If you want a little parenting experience, try hosting an exchange student. It will get you into that sort of "family lifestyle" I realize that you\’re looking to have a baby, not a teenager, but honestly somedays….not that different!!. lol That is what we did, and now our boy has 5 big sisters!
Good luck, and most importantly have fun!!
Siobhan
Hi,
That was your plan? I had no idea. : )
I was lurking yesterday I caught up on all your posts and didn\’t comment. This one I cannot pass up. I waffled about having kids. However, even considering my current situation with my husband and all the "hardships" that have happened since I had them I wouldn\’t change a thing.
I don\’t know about a legacy, but they make me want to be a better person. They make me a better person because I have to set an example. They make me a better person because I have to remember to have fun. Try being upset after you shake your tail feather with them and Chicken Little.
Oh and a little poop talk never hurt anyone, I still giggle uncontrollably everytime I see the book Everybody Poops. I love the spanish version more, Todos Hacemos Caca.
Good luck and take Mocha\’s advice.
Nora
my hubby and i didn\’t really "plan", it just kind of happened…and still i went through lots of those same emotions, fears, issues…whatever you want to call them…and i had always known i wanted to be a mom. but really, it will all work out as it is meant to work out. i agree that some people allow their kids to take over their life and their marriage, but really, i think having a baby has added a richness to my marriage. there is something incredible about seeing my hubby as a dad…a part of them that i never would have been privy to otherwise. and hey, you already realize your kid won\’t be perfect, so you are already WAY ahead of the game!
If you start talking about your childerns bowl movmwnts, trust me, you will not get far. Everyone will let you know that is an oversahre. By the way, I tend to like teenages too. Mostly becase I hate adults! And because I never really grew up.
Raven
Hi there!
On my space this morning, you left thte comment "So man thought. So. Many. Thoughts." So…what were you thinking? Go ahead, spill it…you can spill it either on my space, or email me if you want…my email address is on the front of my Space. 🙂 You\’ve got me curious about what you thought…
BTW…us guys, we aren\’t oblivious, you know. 🙂 There\’s one thing we\’re tuned in to, it\’s a woman talking about babies. 🙂 hehehehehe…
-David //BootJockey
I understand how you feel about screwing up your kids…I am just terrified of doing that (not that having kids is even close to being a possility). I say that someone who is this worried about it and thought about it this much and read about it this much will do just fine, if not great!
Good luck and have fun!
Your fears are very normal, bringing a child into this world is a HUGE event. I\’m sure your fears are shared with most parents to be. I think you will find that you and the hubs will be alright, plus you will have 9 mths to prepare yourself and wrap the idea of being a parent around your head.
Me, I still hyperventale when I think about having kids, so I\’m guessing its not time yet.
Enjoy these "trying" times.
I think you\’re totally right, it is such a huge decision & many people don\’t really think about raising a child when they become pregnant. I know I did think about it. Because of all my problems & the fact that I knew I had made a major mistake by becoming pregnant outside of marriage (or at least a very committed relationship), my first thought was that I should give the baby up for adoption. She is four years old now & though there are days when I feel like I must be the worst mother on earth, I also know that she is my greatest blessing & all my joy. I can\’t even describe the love I have for her & while I am not able to provide some things for her that I wish I could provide, I know she will at least have the fundamentals of Christian faith & my unconditional love.
I can\’t speak to your thoughts on how it will affect your relationship with your husband, of course, but from what you\’ve shared about him & from what I\’ve read in your blog, I think the two of you will be wonderful parents!!
Re fear #6: THe three of you do things TOGETHER as a FAMILY, it\’s so much more fun when things are shared, and occasionally mom gets the kids and dad does his thing, and occasionally dad gets the kids and mom does HER thing. Dads can do kids too, trust me. I\’ve raised two step kids into young adult hood (although the marriage didn\’t last, they\’re still MY kids, and did a lot of the raising as a single parent), and am now doing two little ones of my own. Children are the single most important thing any person can do with his / her life. Influence and mold the next generation, as they will the one following. Immortality sort of. Besides, it really is such FUN. Yes, it\’s work, and yes it\’s scary, but the rewards are everything.
Oh, and read Rene\’s comments. THen read them again, she\’s dead on.