Good Decisions

What She Wore: Baggy black t-shirt; jean capris; tennis shoes.  Not my most glamorous moment.

Today’s post is largely inspired some discussion that occured over at Jenn’s place.  Feel free to check it out.
 
The Hub and I went hiking in the woods today with the K’s, and I had a wonderful time despite the fact that that I am in no way a nature girl.  The group quickly left me in the dust as we climbed up an especially steep hill.  After it became apparent that I couldn’t keep up, the Hub turned around and kept me company as we finished the hike. 
 
That’s a good man I married.
 
We make a lot of decisions in life, and the one I never question is the decision I made to marry my husband.  My mother was concerned that I was too young, and thought that maybe the Hub wouldn’t be able to handle my high-strung behavior.  We never lived together before we got married, and as soon as he graduated we moved ten hours away from home.   We got married with no safety nets in place.  FOREVER. Without a test-run, or a chance to turn back.
 
I wouldn’t have done it any other way.
 
A lot of people get married after living together, and stay close to home.  They get to have one eye on the door at all times.  I’ve even had a friend who said before her wedding day, "I can always get divorced."  They want to get married, but they’re not always sure it’s going to work out.  I am NOT judging these people.  I completely understand their choices.  If I’d had my way, I probably would have wanted a safety net or two myself, but now I’m SO glad I got to jump in with two feet.
 
I moved away from home, and the only person I had to depend on was the Hub.  We learned a lot about each other in the beginning.  If I didn’t like something, I couldn’t go running home to mommy (and neither could he).   The distance forced us to lean on one another rather than turn on one another.  We’ve learned what makes the other tick and what drives the other crazy.  We also know that if we make the other one crazy, we still have to sleep in the same bed.  The result has been two people who look to each other before anything else.  We are each other’s family. 
 
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t think before you get married–the Hub and I had 3 1/2 years of dating to consider it.  I’m not saying that marriage should be taken lightly.  What I am saying is this: a commitment, a real one, doesn’t mean looking over you shoulder.  If you say "I do" then you should throw yourself into it full force.  Don’t get me wrong, there are situations where divorce is merited.  I’m not even talking about divorce, really.  I’m talking about marriage and getting the most out of it.  Don’t look back, don’t bring a reserve chute, just do it.  It’s the only way to go.
 
I think I made a good decision.
 
KM
Advertisements

About takedeux

In one summer I had a baby who was hospitalized for five weeks, quit my job, and moved back to my hometown. This blog is about starting over.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

31 Responses to Good Decisions

  1. tassietoo says:

    Good for you!  It sounds like you made a great decision.  I jumped in with both feet too…When things get rough is when you find out how committed to the commitment a couple is…that can get you through some rough spots, I think.

  2. Sue says:

    More couples your age should think like you.  I too jumped into unchartered territories, then moved away within a year (not that I would go running home anyway).  Point being, marriage is a committment and for life.  No matter how angry Dweeb makes me, I cannot even imagine my life without him.  Sue

  3. Stacy says:

    Thank you.  I read Jenn\’s blog and she sounds so negative.  However, I love my hubby and I am still in love with him 14 yrs later.  Yes there were and are times when we could just toss each other aside, but we don\’t.  We said I Do and meant it.
    -S.

  4. Nooner™ says:

    I think you made a damn great decision. I\’ve read a lot about you .. and him .. and, from afar, all I see is a wonderous marriage overall.
    ~Nooner~

  5. Gina says:

    I think you made a good decision, too. 
     
    Such a wonderful post for me to read…the 24th was my two year wedding anniversary.  Me and The Husband had a nice quiet moment of reflection where we thought about many of the things  you wrote about. 
     
    Thanks for the smile.

  6. Jaysey says:

    This works well with an entry I\’ve been working on for a while now about cohabitation.  So many people seem to think that\’s the answer now–live together to practice marriage, but I really think jumping in all at once like you did is the better option.  I\’ll elaborate more on why in that entry that I hope will posst later this week. 😉  But one major issue you\’ve touched on here: it "forced us to lean on one another rather than turn on one another."  And too often cohabiting couples are quicker to turn on one another because "I can always just move out."  There\’s less of a commitment because it\’s not official, so they find it easier to give up and break the commitment than work together to resolve their problems and work together to strengthen the relationship.  And there\’s a couple pennies from me. 😉  Have a great week!

  7. Nadine says:

     Good Point!! I think way too many people get married without the thought of the long-haul. I know people that have been married 4 or 5 times. They get caught up in the heat and passion and when it is over they walk out. And some times it just doesn\’t workout for one reason or another, kids, money, or lack of commitment. I was divorced 7 months before remarrying and some think that was too quick. When you know in your heart what is right….Go for it! And after 12 1/2 years it was the right decision for me.

  8. Wahzat says:

    It sounds like you made the best decision.
    I believe just like you that the distance away from my mother has helped keep me in my marriage. Has also helped me be grow as a parent. Because I am a mama\’s girl and in the beginning if I was home I would probably have told my husband see ya!! 🙂 And that would have been sad.
    This was great food for thought.
    Have a great week!

  9. Dawn says:

    I to think some people jump into marriage without thinking about the big picture.  They focus more on the wedding and less on the marriage……

  10. Unknown says:

    Me to Katy! Both feet…and FOREVER! Although not the 3 1/2 year part. HIM is wonderful.
     
    Check your email you lazy-butt. Hmmmm speaking of butt\’s how\’s Mr K doing? hehe
     
    I love hiking and camping, to think I didn\’t camp all summer this year…I\’m a little pouty about it.
     
    Remember: If you leave it blank you aint gettin jack!
     
    love,
    Mercy

  11. Sheryl-Ann says:

    You articulated this very well, and it sounds like you made the best decision.  I admire the way that you jumped right into it, and never looked back.  Sometimes in life we just have to do that.  I need to read this again because I am so scared of marriage.  My sister and I were raised to be very independent by both mum and dad, and I think this has messed our minds up a bit:)  We have both done very well career wise, but when it comes to dating and marriage, we are the most pessimistic persons you will ever meet (sigh).  Again, I have full respect for the way you and your husband jumped right in………..I wish I could be more of a risk taker when it comes to the social aspect of my life.  Have a good week.  I loved this entry!

  12. Alicia says:

    I think you did too and I hope I can make one as good as yours…
     
    HUGS!!  🙂

  13. K says:

    Great advice… and from the sounds of things – you have nothing to worry about with regards to your decision making – you married a great man and did the right thing for you.  Kudos.  Too bad more people don\’t follow suit.
     
    I will remember this when I ever decide to let go of my commitment phobic views of marriage (I literally have mini-panic attacks when someone suggests to me walking down the isle and getting married… yikes!!) – to me a commitment is a commitment… 200% – you have it right on… should be like that for any relationship!
     
    Hope all is well you you Katie… I went shopping… you\’d be proud of my 2" peek-a-boo heeled shoe… They are sexy beasts!
     
    Ciao bella,
    KC

  14. Dena Marie says:

    Hmmm… this is definitely food for thought. I am so positive and negative about marriage all at the same time. On one hand, I dream that marriage will be wonderul and happy, even in the work that needs to be put into it. But on the other hand, I haven\’t had any good models of marriage in my life thus far. I have seen problems, divorce, re-marriage, and divorce (OR life-long misery). The thought of marriage sometimes makes me sad. Only time, proof, and an open-mind will help people like me out of muck and mire of committment-phobia.
     
    I really like your theory about moving away and becoming an independent couple together. I guess it\’s the whole concept of "leave and cleave"… a concept I struggled with as well as some other couples I\’ve known. Thanks for the enlightening words that, little by little, will heal the broken and confused hearts of people like me.
     
    –DM

  15. Dena Marie says:

    A few more quick thoughts on this post…
     
    While I like the idea of being far away from family so you and your spouse have to rely on one another, I\’m such a determined person that if I really wanted to leave, I would move from anywhere to do it. However, it would be much harder to do so if very far way. Really though, I think it has less to do with distance and more to do with maturity and committment. Even when far away, family can interfere, if allowed… you know, too little investment in emotion and communication in the relationship because one or both rely on family too much, confide in family too much, take advice from family too much. This damage can be done just as well from a distance as in the same hometown. I\’ve seen it happen.
     
    –DM

  16. barnyardmama says:

    Dena–I don\’t think that moving away from your family is a magic formula for happy marriage–it just happened to work for the Hub and I.  I completely agree with what you said–it\’s the commitment that counts.  I just think it\’s lucky that I didn\’t get to half-ass the thing. 
     
    KM 

  17. Cheryl says:

    I am glad you are ahppy with your decision.  I knew 3 yerars into my marriage that marriage was not for me.  I tired to fix it with another baby and by the 10th year it was over and I was left with a 9 year old and a 2 year old.  BTW…we also lived very far from our family and friends…sometimes it just does not work…

  18. Antonella says:

    I agree with you 100%! Too many people get divorced or break up over things that are trivial. Sure, sometimes I feel like strangling Magbert, but I love him so much and he really is so good to me, I would never let our little bickering get too far.
     
    I think another problem is people want the "perfect" person, and there is no such things. You\’re going to fight and argue, you just gotta work it out and I think people are just too lazy to do that.
    Antonella

  19. Becca says:

    I know you made a good decision and I did too..the second time around for me is definitely the charm!
    Becca

  20. serf says:

    First time to visit.  Like what I see here, neighbor (live about 1 hour east by southeast from Little Rock).
    Saw you comment at Jenn\’s space and agree that love is a choice.  Left her a comment to back yours. 
    Sounds like you have a good husband and a solid base of commitment.  Keep up the good work.  serf \’rett 

  21. Elizabeth says:

    Two times is a charm for me. I was stupid and got married as a teenager.  That lasted all of a year and a half.  To think: I had to go all the way to Korea to find the man perfect for me. 🙂

  22. WINDOW LIVE says:

    Right on sister!  Even though my marriage is in the toliet.  I did the same as you.  Married 27 years this Friday!  Also, tell those kids to guess, guess, and guess again cause they are right if you guess you might get it right but if you leave it blank…you don\’t get Jack.  I loved that.  Also, I tell every kid I see, do math for 30 minutes every night.  It comes to you faster.  I know I am 45 and had to take basic math last quarter.:(

  23. Unknown says:

    Well there is a lot more to the BOYS misadventures…yanno like drinking coming home smelling like smoke, etc…(insert violation here.) After all he is 17 it\’s time to learn how to pay the piper, in March he\’s 18 and he\’ll be able to move…I want him to feel what it can be like not having me as back up when he still kind of has me.
     
    I see about the open house, but on a Thursday? From 6-9pm? After working about 10hours and having to go back to work the next morning I\’m not in the mood to scramble around a almost college sized campus trying to find his classes without him. Thank goodness I know his Dean lol! We are friends now, the BOY hates that.
     
    love,
    Mercy

  24. Tracy says:

    Sounds like you found yourself a good one!!  I agree it is good to have to turn to each other instead of run to mommy etc when the going gets rough, forces you to work through it.
     
    Oh and NO you didn\’t offend me at all — I have just been out of town.  I will be back later to get caught up on your other entries!

  25. KEL says:

    Very thought provoking…I think you might be right about jumping in and not looking back.  Sometime you really don\’t know until you\’ve REALLY tried it.~K

  26. Marcie says:

    My chute is broken so I better be makinga  good choice…I KNOW I am :)…great blog.

  27. Aimee says:

    life always sets a few bumps along the way..marrie or not…we just have to find the right people to be with…for some it\’s easy and for others it takes a long time…
    :o) smiles easy to give away they are free… :o) very contagious… :o) so pass one to anyone … :o) to people that you love… :o) and even to those you don\’t… :o) in no time the whole world will be smiling :o)

  28. Unknown says:

    My view is that marriage is a covenant relationship…something that is meant to not be broken, except through death….obviously situations of adultery or abuse justify a second look at that.  Although, I also believe that problems, whatever they may be, can be worked through.  I feel that society as a whole has lost sight of the sanctity and permanence of marriage…it seems like so many people now hold a view that divorce is an easy answer.  I think those people are missing out on some of the greatest blessings of all…the blessings that come only through perservering through hard times, struggles, challenges, and really learning to live with and love another person.  Thanks for this post!

  29. Unknown says:

    LMAO I just read your comment on Jen\’s space about getting married due to your hubbies health insurance!
     
    oh boy,
    Mercy

  30. CJ says:

    Until recently I might have thought to argue this with you because I was always the one with a safety net as well as one foot out the door.  I guess going into those relationships I instinctively knew that something just wasn\’t quite right with them and I went in anyway, albeit, never all the way.  Now I know the difference, and you\’re right.  You jump in with both feet and never look back.  I believe I\’m going to find it (although rocky at times maybe) the sweetest place I\’ll ever know.  I love being able to see both points though, yours and Jenn\’s.  Great entry!

  31. Jaysey says:

    OK–think I got it up now.  Check it out when you\’re free.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s