Ranting and Ravings of a Selfish Woman

What She Wore: royal blue courderoy jacket; white, long-sleeve tee; black pants; royal blue snow boots.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you. . .
I promised that I wouldn’t blog about these types of things, and yet here I am.
I blogged this summer about how the Hub and I wanted to have a baby.  And today a friend of mine announced that she is two months pregnant.  At first, I was completely happy for her–tears actually came to my eyes. 
But by the end of the day, my feelings of goodwill had faded and I was left with the overwhelming desire to cry. 
When am I going to be pregnant?
How selfish am I?
I just thought that I would get pregnant when I wanted to, and things are taking a little more time than I anticipated.  I had this romanticized idea that God was going to just "give" me a baby.  The idea that I have to work and plan to get pregnant just dis-heartens me.  I’ve even stooped to buying one of those damn thermometers. 
So, there you go–selfish, small, little me.  

About takedeux

In one summer I had a baby who was hospitalized for five weeks, quit my job, and moved back to my hometown. This blog is about starting over.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

29 Responses to Ranting and Ravings of a Selfish Woman

  1. Cheryl says:

    Well at the dollar store I found where you could buy a pregnancy test for a buck and you could also buy a ovulation test for a buck.  I am sure it will happen….

  2. Antonella says:

    Oh you\’re not selfish. It took me a long while to get preg, and I felt the same way! I hated that I was jealous of other pregnant women. ESPECIALLY when they would say it was an accident or would complain about it. It took my temperature for a long time!! Man is that annoying, but at the same time, kind of comforting, kind of like you have some control over something you really have no control over.
    Most people will tell you to relax, it\’ll happen and all that crap, but it\’s easy for everyone else to say because they\’re not you!
    Wish I had some advice! I\’ll be praying for you!

  3. ncjenn2nd says:

    You\’re not being selfish, you just have a lot of love and want to share it!  Having a baby is a totally selfless thing, so just think about that, you have been selfish and now you want to give to someone else.  I can only imagine how frustrating it can be for you to want to be pregnant and it\’s just not happening.  God will give you a baby when it\’s time.  He just has to pick out the special one that you deserve:)!  Keep your head up.
    And by the way, is it really that bad being selfish?  I have heard that being selfish can actually be good for you, it means you are happy and relaxed and content.  And that is the best kind of mom to be.

  4. tassietoo says:

    It will happen!  The hardest part is not stressing about it, but that\’s what works.  I keep waiting for the blog announcement that you are an expecting mom…Just think, wouldn\’t that be a cool Christmas suprise???

  5. KEL says:

    Funny how all that good will can bring tears to our eyes and leave us feeling selfish…but your not.  You want it and even though you may not get what you want today, its not like she took the last piece of pie and you too will have your turn…with all that love, god will give you what you want in due time, just have faith your time will come.~K

  6. Nadine says:

     Oh no not selfish…..Just a need to have a baby of your own. It will happen.
     Be patient!!

  7. Tracy says:

    I think it\’s normal to feel those jealousy pangs.  It isn\’t selfish and it\’ll happen for you whenever the time is right.  I haven\’t been thru it but I hear that happens to a lot of people — everything thinks they will start trying and voila get pregnant but it doesn\’t always happen that way.  Keep your chin up, it\’ll happen eventually!!

  8. WINDOW LIVE says:

    I don\’t think you are selfish at all, just human.  No words of wisdom I got pregnant at the drop of a hat.  Just know that I am thinking of you.

  9. Sarah says:

    I don\’t think you are being selfish, either. It\’s just one of those things that you are ready for now, so why isn\’t it happening? I wouldn\’t worry about it, I\’m sure it will happen. It\’s kind of like me and my friends getting married. I am so happy for them, but there\’s always this little pang in the back of my head that wonders when I will find someone that makes me that happy. It\’s totally normal!

  10. Stacy says:

    If I had a dime for everytime someone told me it will happen when it is supposed to I would be rich.  We were pregnant 4 times.  It took forever to get pregnant 3 of the 4 times.  Almost a year for 2 of them and over a year for one of them.  I was frustrated, angry, and jealous.  I would cry each month I wasn\’t pregnant.  But when I finally was I enjoyed every minute of it.  Even the morning sickness, bedrest, mis-shapen body, and labor pains.  In fact I think I enjoyed being pregnant more than some others just because it took longer to get there.  For now, enjoy the trying….. 😉

  11. Becca says:

    KM, you are not selfish. I took us just a few months when M and I got married, but we lost that one to a miscarriage. And it has never happened since. It has been almost 6 years since that miscarriage. As much as we want it to happen quickly, it really isn\’t in our time. I wish that it was. You will be a mom before you know it, and you will be a great one, I just know it!

  12. Jaysey says:

    Wow…I can\’t imagine what that would be like.  😉 A thermometer?  Screw it.  Just visualize yourself happy and pregnant, and it will happen.  If you try too hard, stress too much, you\’ll probably just end up waiting even longer.  Just visualize and then go throw the Hub down on the bed and have good, fun sex–while you still can! 😉

  13. Dawn says:

    I agree with the others…you\’re not selfish….

  14. Sandy says:

    It is not selfish to wish to be able to create life.  We have to realize though that maybe God wants us to be patient.  It is through our times of suffering and struggeling that we grow the most.  Throw the themometer away, it will happen.  Being obsessed with it will not help.

  15. Lizzie-Beth4Him says:

    It isn\’t selfish to want to have a baby, and you are being way too tough on yourself, dear friend!  You have a high stress job, even though you love it, and that can complicate things.  God has His perfect timing, for those that follow Him, and I am praying the door will open for you, at just the right time.     

  16. Unknown says:

    Hi!  I\’m not sure how I got here, but I read what you wrote and I can honestly say you\’re not being selfish.  You are feeling a little blue because this isn\’t happening quite the way you envisioned it.  I went through a period of frustration myself, all my friends seemed to be mass producing, but not me.  When I finally gave up worrying about it so much and just seemed to let the whole idea go is when I got the "stomache flu".  Except it wasn\’t the flu.  I still smile when I think about getting the first word that I was pg.  That\’s probably what will happen to you.  Either way, I wish you all the luck.  Thank you for letting me visit.

  17. WINDOW LIVE says:

    The answer to your questio is because in class he is wired for sound, pacing, talking 200 miles a minute.  He is always looking around, a real bad case of ADHD.  But, I COULD calm him down.  GUARANTEE IT!

  18. Hilary says:

    A few years ago, I read an article that said the average woman takes 8 months of trying to concieve.  I was blown away!  You mean you don\’t just have sex and get pregnant??  But after talking to lots of people, it takes so long!  I wish there wasn\’t this myth that women live with that says its so easy.  The great part about your situation is that you WERE EXCITED!  You were genuinely happy for your friend, you could have blown her off very easily.  So don\’t be too hard on yourself!  Snowboots??  Is it snowing already then?  I HATE snowboots, but I\’m betting you at least wear them stylishly.  There is hope…

  19. Karla says:

    I\’m sorry you are feeling blue. A co-worker and his wife tried for like a year to get pregnant with the second child (the first was an accident).  We had a girls\’ night out that involved some drinking and lots of booty shaking, she went home to her hubby later that night and ended knocked up when she was least worried/stressed about it . Maybe it\’s time to reintroduce the Bacardi. Wish I knew what else to say…
    And don\’t worry too much about feeling small and selfish. Just cause you want something for yourself, doesn\’t mean that you aren\’t happy for her that she got it. It\’s not like you want your happiness at the cost of hers. I know about these things, I have 6-7 years of boyfriends/fiances/wedding experience. 

  20. Sheryl-Ann says:

    Oh KC, I understand how you feel.  I have a couple of friends who have been trying for years to get pregnant and they get so sad.  I don\’t know what to say to them except to mumble, "stay positive."  It seems so unfair because there are so many women getting pregnant when they don\’t even want the kids……..anyway, let me now rant about that here.  Don\’t give and keep trying – there is a lot of fun in trying, right (smile)?  Take care and enjoy the rest of the week.

  21. Aimee says:

    i understand 100%…i will be 30 next year…in October i am finally getting married…see it too me forever to find someone good enough for me….so we have decided to start a family right away…and the average woman (so i hear) takes a year to get married…which means i will be 31…lol…anyways the whole point is that i have watched my best friend have 3 ids, my brother have 3 kids, my cousin have 3 kids, and my other cousin have 4….all my friends have been married for years and have a kid or two..then there was just me…all by myself…on girl told me that it was ok to feel jealous of us…cause we have fuller lives than i do…i just about knocke her out…but she was right…i was jealous…sometimes before i met Kenny i used to cry myself to sleep just thinking that i might be alone forever….i fianlly decided that if i was still 35 and single i would adopt a child…it\’s normal to feel like something is missing…especially when you are trying so hard to fill that void…just relax and enjoy the sex…that is when you are most likely to concieve…
    :o) smiles are contagious…pass one to people that you love and those you don\’t… :o)

  22. michael says:

    Be patient, it will happen for you.

  23. Wahzat says:

    Oh! It is only natural to feel the way you are feeling. Sorry that it is taking longer than you expected. But never fear nothing happens before it\’s time. So relax and let God do his thing!
    Hugs to you my friend and don\’t be afraid to shed tears of frustrations it doesn\’t make you selfish just a Mummy waiting to happen!
    And further more you are so far from selfish… look at what you do for a living …. and hey you freely gave away your fig newtons! 🙂
    Have a great week!

  24. Unknown says:

    Well if you\’re selfish, then so am I.  I\’ve been having those same thoughts for months.  It\’s normal.  I just keep telling myself it\’s all in God\’s timing.  Not one of us on the planet is born one single second before we\’re meant to be born.  God\’s plan is perfect…who am I to get impatient? 
    Ok, well, it helps more at certain times than at others. 
    Hang in there!
    God bless : )

  25. Christine says:

    I don\’t know if you watn advice on this, but I\’m giving it anyway.  STOP TRYING!  Just ENJOY each other and quit worrying about it!  If you get uptight, you are less likely to conceive.  Also, do not diet.  If you are underweight (and I mean under the weight God intends YOU to be in order to have a child, not something on a chart) you are also less likely to conceive.
    God does have a plan, and when HE is ready, you will become a mother.
    In the mean time:
    For surely, I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.  (Jeremiah 29:11)
    God Bless!

  26. Gamma says:

    Waving hiiiii from across the pond
    Humpt I can\’t add my name or blog addy. sniff sniff.
    You\’re not being sefish, but I would add just relax and stop "trying" to get pregnant. I told my neice the same thing and she is newly preggers:-)

  27. Nora says:

    I\’d pronounce you Normal.  Not that you want to indulge in those feelings, I used some info about determining the right time off iVillage and it worked right away.  You may have already been there done that but, just FYI.  You are welcome to email me if you want more specifics.  Nora

  28. K says:

    Early-mid February 2007 Katie.  A girl.
    Email me if you want more information.
    Ciao bella,

  29. siobhan says:

    I was reading back a few entries because I hadn\’t been by in a while.  I felt exactly the same way.  I tried for 5 years to get pregnant.  I had a really hard time when a 25 year old cocktail waitress from work came up and told me that she was pregnant…………..by mistake.  Here is what I had to do, (besides the fertility drugs)  Don\’t  bother witht he thermometer.  Go to Walmart and get a bunch of those ovulation tests.  Once you get a positive, then you and hubby……….mmphm, for the next three days.  The doctor told me to have sex that night, the next morning and every other day for three days.  A friend of mine and her hubby just had a LOT of fun for three days and she got pregnant the first month she tried!  The next thing is to relax.  You\’re young, it\’ll happen. 
    Good luck 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s