Why My Mother is Making Me Crazy

What She Wore: black gauchos, black leather boots, bright green turtleneck.

Why is my mother making me crazy?  Well, I should say that she is not alone–virtually anyone who tells me how to run my life annoys me–and these days, everyone has an opinion. 
 
First, she DEMANDS to know my baby name choices, which I am keeping under wraps.  After I share my choices, she proceeds to act as if I’m shooting her with a poison dart gun.  I’m not suggesting that I name my child anything that crazy–but she wants something "popular" and "recognizable."  She doesn’t want me to embarass her in front of her friends.  It’s also caused her to say some pretty ugly things about my married name–things she’s managed to keep down, but now the gloves come off!  She’s even said that she WILL NOT call the child one of the names I’m considering.  She’s going to give it a nickname.  I’m not handling this well!  Can’t she just respect my decisions?  I’m not trying to join the circus or a cult, or drop out of high school to marry a pot head–I’m just picking a name for my child!!! Aghhhhh!
 
 
And then I told her I was considering natural child birth.  I’ve known a couple of people who’ve done it and lived to tell the tale, so I thought I’d keep the option on the table.  She went nuts.  How could I consider such a thing?  Seriously.  I’m not saying that I’m going to kill myself giving birth–I’m just not going to demand an epidural until I feel the labor pains and decide I can’t handle it.  I’m not deciding in advance.  You’d think I was saying things just to hurt her. 
 
I should be fair.  I love my mother–she’s just really opinionated and sometimes runs over people–which is weird because she’s really soft spoken.  She just doesn’t take no for an answer.  I just have trouble imagining a lifetime of these kinds of decisions. 
 
KM
 
PS:  I told her that if she won’t call my baby by it’s name then I would just have the baby call her MawMaw–she hates that name!
 
I’m trying to get around and visit everyone, but it’s going very slow!  I’ll be by, though. 
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About takedeux

In one summer I had a baby who was hospitalized for five weeks, quit my job, and moved back to my hometown. This blog is about starting over.
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45 Responses to Why My Mother is Making Me Crazy

  1. tassietoo says:

    Stand your ground and stand up to your mom.  I know you will do it diplomatically, but YOU are the mom now, and these decisions are all yours!  This is where you get to keep the advice you want, and throw the rest out! 

  2. Christine says:

    I guess I missed the announcement, but congratulations!  We caught flak about our baby name choices, too.  In the end, though, the folks who didn\’t like the names wound up using them.  LOL
     
    As to natural childbirth:  I did it twice.  My older 2 children were born naturally (except for Pitocin to strengthen contractions).  If you have had painful menstrual cramps, you have an idea as to what a contraction feels like, although contractions are usually stronger and longer.  My younger children both decided to be stubborn and be in funny positions so that they had to be delivered by caesarean section.
     
    Good luck to you!
     
    Christine

  3. Hilary says:

    Interesting blog, but I\’m more interested in those boots!  They are SUPER hot! 🙂

  4. Cindy says:

    Okay…first the name thing…..
    Since it\’s you and your husband who are having this baby, the names are up to you…no one else! No one (your Mom especially) has the right to tell you what to do…. and shame on her for thinking her opinion is more important than yours!! She\’s had her kids ~ now it\’s your turn! She should respect that fact.
    Now the natural childbirth thing….
    I gave birth to 3 very good sized healthy babies…all natural. I lived in a place that didn\’t have the option for epidurals. If things went wrong, I would have been flown out by air ambulance…..but that\’s neither here nor there. Given the option, I don\’t know what I would have done. Yes, it hurt….a lot….but I valued the experience of being fully aware of what my body was capable of and gained a much better appreciation as a result. I think it\’s totally an individual choice. Everyone has a different pain threshold and if a woman\’s labour takes too long and the pain becomes too much for her to bear, thank God there\’s something available to relieve that! We aren\’t living in the dark ages after all!
    When the time comes you\’ll make the decision that\’s right for you….and kudos for keeping an open mind!!!

  5. Elizabeth says:

    I wonder if your mom and my mom are related.  When I told my mom that I was going to name my 2nd daughter "Abigail" she scoffed at me and told me that was a spinster\’s name.No lie.And then everyone gave me crap because I wanted to name Emily "Emileigh".  Different, but who cares?  STICK TO YOUR GUNS, SISTER.  

  6. Tracy says:

    Haha, maybe you can make a compromise, she chooses the name the baby will call her, and she shuts up about your choices of what you\’ll call the baby!!
     
    Little A\’s mom did natural childbirth, A said he couldn\’t believe she didn\’t get an epidural.  I have a friend due in March and she\’s planning the same as you, she\’s not gonna really decide till she\’s there and feels the pain.  If I ever have a kid I would probably do the same thing.

  7. Christi says:

    You will find that if you do tell people what names you like, they are shameless in telling you why they think that name sucks.  Our last name is King so we had to always be careful in how the first name went with the last (like the names Joe and Jack were out of the question).  One of our friends said we should name Bryce "Berger".  Get it??? 
     
    Anyhow, you do what you think is best and what you can live with and what makes you happy.  What is the big deal about you having natural childbirth?  It is not her that has to have the pain!  I am a parent educator, and I have seen a lot of people have a strict idea of what they want childbirth to be like, and usually it doesn\’t happen.  Your plan of trying to do natural and if it gets too bad, asking for drugs, is, in my humble opinion, the best way to be.   Unfortunately, people are too ready to tell you horror stories and criticize you during this very happy time.  Just focus on the most important thing:  your little family to be!!!! 

  8. Jaysey says:

    LOL!  Now, I know you\’re keeping your name choice under wraps, but I\’m curious as to what your mother would prefer the baby be named…I like your plan to have her called a name she hates if she won\’t call the kid by his/her name.  It\’s your kid, your choice…sorry Maw-maw. 😉

  9. -c says:

    Oy! She sounds like my MIL . . .
     
    I have to admit I didn\’t like my daughter\’s choice of names for her twins and I had to say something to her about the name "Daegan", I was so afraid she will be called "Daego" in school. She didn\’t know what it meant and neither did any of her friends (are we isolated from the world, or what!) and told me they liked the name and were sticking with it. I adore these little girls (two months old now) and I call them by their names. I lived, your mom will, too.
     
    I have strong opinions on childbirth as well. My hospital experiences were not the best so I had the last three at home with only my hubby attending. I say, do what you are most comfortable with and stick to your guns. It\’s not her body, it\’s not her choice.
     
    Enjoy your pregnancy – – there\’s so much to look forward to! -cindy

  10. Toni says:

    oh man…and so it begins. name your child whatever you want; i had the exact same problem with my mother-in-law; for the longest time she wanted to call cheyenne "muffin" –geez which is worse i wonder?–but after about a week of everyone else sticking to the name we chose, she gave in…now she can\’t imagine cheyenne with any other name.
    people will always have and want to share their opinions…
    good for you with the natural childbirth–you\’re a better woman than i am…have you told your students yet? ~toni

  11. Jaysey says:

    Oh, yeah…may I suggest staying away from first-middle name combos that rhyme? 😉  No, Apple Snapple Smith, ok?  Otherwise, I might have to stop being your e-friend. 😉

  12. Nadine says:

     Alotta Fagina……..That\’s it right???

  13. CJ says:

    Enough to drive you absolutely crazy, isn\’t it?  My first son I had by natural childbirth. The second I had complications so I had him at the hospital with assistance.  Both ways worked for me.  I loved natural childbirth and the relationship I developed with the midwife.  It was a wonderful opportunity to share an incredible experience with those closest to me.  Aside from threatening to kill my husband (ex now) I think it all went pretty well.  My mother DOES NOT have scars from where I bit her when she held my hand.  And now I\’m laughing because of Jaysey and Nadine\’s comments.  I wasn\’t able to think up anything quite so clever.  Be easy on yourself, take a deep breath, and do this the way YOU want to do it.  This is your life, hun….live it your way!  Here\’s to hoping you have a peaceful afternoon!

  14. Tiffany says:

    Just know that you have every right to name your baby whatever you would like.  I\’m sure you are not picking out crazy names… maybe just one\’s that she doesn\’t particuarly like, but it\’s still YOUR choice!  Don\’t let it get you down!  My Mom tried telling me what she preferred with baby names, but in the end she knew I would pick what I liked.  And, I didn\’t pick a name just to please someone.  Like a family name or anything.
     
    Have a wonderful weekend.  Just try to relax!  We will be in Cabot this weekend for Britt\’s Grandparents Christmas party!
    Tiffany

  15. Jen says:

    What IS IT about parents going weird when "big" events are being planned (such as a wedding or a baby)!!??!!  Was their experience of that situation really SO unsatisfying that they think if they control or manipulate their child\’s experience then their own will be reincarnated to something BETTER?  Aarrggh!!
     
    Here\’s what I think:  First, tell your mother to back off.  No, that\’s probably not wise.  I\’m sure that will only create more tension. 🙂  Something that might help, though, is for you to write her a letter!  Cheesy, I know, but it will allow you to think about your beliefs and to go through things a couple of times before you actually PRESENT that letter to your mother.  When you do present it, tell her that you need to talk to her and you NEED her to hear you out and to not say a thing until you are done.  Read her the letter and then talk about it.  The results will be one of two:  1) you will no longer have a mother that talks to you OR 2) things will get a LITTLE better than what they are.
     
    Next, about the natural childbirth…THAT is wicked awesome!!  If you can pull it off, more power to you! 🙂  YOU and your husband NEED TO choose the method of childbirth that keeps you the most relaxed and secure!!!  It\’s going to be tough at it is and it won\’t help your situation if you feel AT ALL uncomfortable about your choice!  Be strong, my dear!! :o)
     
    Last, no matter what you choose, I think that your kids will decide their own name for grandma! 🙂  I wouldn\’t be surprised if it melts her heart, too!  Kids have AMAZING powers when it comes to adults and sometimes that IS a good thing! 🙂  I have friends who were concerned about what names the one set of grandparents should have and so they came up with something but one day, their child came up with his own and THAT\’S what has stuck!  Grandpa is now "Opum" and grandma is "Me-mop".  Too cute! 🙂
     
    Oh…one last thing…about the name choice — tell your mom some OUTRAGEOUS names first (one\’s you\’d NEVER think of picking) and then after she\’s done freaking out, say, "Well that\’s just the way it\’s going to be."  Then in a day or two call her up (or visit her) and say, "We\’ve changed our minds and [this] is really what it\’s going to be."  Maybe she won\’t think it\’s so bad then, especially after the \’hideous\’ names that you had previously chosen.  *snicker* 🙂
     
    Really, though, it\’s up to you.  I have some friends that have chosen some strange names for their kids, but eventually it DOES seem like the kids grow into their names.  After all, Sabian (prounounced "Sabe-e-an" — my friend\’s son) is as CUTE as a button and eventually the name doesn\’t seem as unusual. 🙂
     
    Good luck!
     
    ~ Jen from Wyoming

  16. Nora says:

    It\’s hard you want to share, mom\’s have opinions, that drive you nuts.  Plus you add all the emotions of being pregnant…  If it were me, I would give her really ridiculus names like Jaysey and Nadine to keep her going and keep the real options to yourself.  Drive her crazy back, that what family is for right? 
    I\’m all for natural, but I think the biggest challenge is to stay open minded because you never know what will happen!

  17. Becca says:

    And so it starts, KM! Pick your battles and stand your ground! You\’ll get really good at it, only this time you are going to be the mom!
    Hugs,
    Becca

  18. K says:

    yikes!  Not envious… not envious at all!  Names are wierd when it comes to families… I have a few coworkers who are going through similiar problems with their parents where they are not liking the chosen names… LOL…
     
    Hang in there.. at the end of the day – that child is yours and your mother will eventually accept it.
     
    And as far as the natural birth thing is … I am with you on this… surprising that your mom isn\’t!?
     
    Remember the hormones and lack of meds probably amplify everything… but you will make an amazing mommy… Can\’t wait to see that in action!
     
    Ciao bella,
    KC

  19. Kathleen says:

    I think it is great that you are keeping your options open.  I had natural childbirth with both of my boys.  The first one I thought it was an admirable thing- to say that I didn\’t use drugs to kill the pain.  The second one came so fast that they wouldn\’t give me anything- even though I asked!  Back then they didn\’t even offer an epidural.  I probably wouldn\’t have taken it though.  I am terrified of needles and having one near my spine would have freaked me out. 
     
    As for the name thing… My parents hated it when I told them we were naming our first child Devon.  My response was, "Well you guys had your opporunity to name children and you picked Kathe, Debbie and Bobby.  How boring can you get?"  They dropped the subject and called him by his real name.  Geez, I have heard so many bizarre names, that I cannot imagine why they objected to Devon.  I think your "Maw-Maw" idea might be the ticket to getting your mom to lay off.  Good luck with that!
     
    Kathleen

  20. Leighann says:

    Hello!  I have to say that my mom was not happy with any of my name choices. 
     
    I was at the beginning of the sixth month when I put three girl names and three boy names on the refridgerator.  My husband and the nurses were convinced the baby was a girl, but as you can see from the pic, it\’s a boy!  I actually ixneyed (love that word) all the names and chose Samuel Terence instead.  Terence is my paternal grandfather\’s name.  Of course, my husband wanted to call him Sam Adams.  I told him that he had had his chance to voice his opinions for basically four months, so tough cookies.  I think his name fits him. 
     
    I was terrified to get pregnant and just about the same amount to go through labor.  I didn\’t take the regular childbirth class because one of the nurses at my obgyn told me about the option for Hypnobirthing.  I took the class, listened to the CD, and used it to get myself to sleep EVERY NIGHT and at the hospital.  I use it in my classroom.  I especially used it during the first two months of insane "I don\’t know what the H*** you want" crying.  I wasn\’t going to dilate because of some medical stuff done, so I had a section.  Of course, they shut the pitocin off when I was ready to ask for drugs.  My husband kept talking to me and asking me if I wanted to put a freakin\’ movie in when I was trying to count.  The section was awesome, for me anyway.  I only took motrin afterward and didn\’t need the percocets.  I don\’t know if it would be the same if/when (I hope) I have a second.  The after pains are worse the second go round (I\’ve heard) especially if you\’re nursing.  Jeez, it\’s just the body doing it\’s job!

  21. Antonella says:

    Just wait, it\’s only the beginning. Now it\’s your mother giving you unwanted advice, wait until complete strangers and people you don\’t really know give you advice on names, childbirth, and whatever else they think about. My mother in law actually told the hubby, "I hope you\’re not really going to name the baby ______, what about blah, blah blah??" When the hubby said no, she said she wouldn\’t call him by that name, so he told her then she won\’t see that baby! ARG!!!!!
    have a nice weekend,
    Antonella

  22. WINDOW LIVE says:

    Well Mothers will drive you nuts when your pregnant.  As for natural childbirth I did it twice (like to died) and then had an epidural with my daughter.  What I know now that I didn\’t know then was yoga.  Get into a prenatal yoga class.  That particular method of breathing is way more effective than Child Birth classes and it will keep your body strong and stretched out.  I really truly encourage this.  Have a fab weekend!

  23. Nadine says:

     aaahhh my daughter has a thing about tigers…..and wants to name her baby Rahjah! SERIOUSLY!!! I asked my sister what Disney Movie did she get that one from. Her first child is named Tiger Lillie….the Indian Princess in Peter frickin\’ Pan!!
    If I say hey great idea…she will not do it. If I throw the fit that was going thru my head she would absolutely beyond any doubt name that baby come Hell or High Water….RahJah!
     
     
     

  24. siobhan says:

    Ow, I\’m sorry honey but your mother is totally out of line.  You and your husband will decide the baby\’s name.  If you want natural childbirth that is totally your perogative.  She may just be worried about you, is this her first grandkid?  But she needs to back off.  You do not need this kind of stress and pressure right now.  YOu\’ve gone of your antidepressants cold turkey so you really don\’t need your mom in your face about things that are none of her business.  Maybe you could tell her that your OB/GYN has told you that you need to remain calm and that you just can\’t handle the stress right now.  do you think that might keep her quiet?
    Good luck honey
    Siobhan

  25. Dawn says:

    oh this is all going to make for such good reading at your expense unfortunately….

  26. Stacy says:

    I had a different experience with all 3 of my boys births. 
     
    The first was a C-Section due to complications.  I had pre-eclampsia and they almost lost both of us.  So I had to have an emercency C-section.  Scariest thing.  Anywho – don\’t want to freak you out – it is rare.  Afterwards I felt like I was missing something, I felt bad because I had a C. 
     
    The next one I had natural but with drugs.  They gave me too much Morphine and Josh was born not breathing.  He was completely blue and didn\’t cry for what seemed like forever.  They had to give him some type of drug to stimulate his lungs and then he was okay. 
     
    The third one I did almost all natural.  I did take something for pain, but it was mild and just took the edge off (barely).  I still felt most everything.  I was scared to death to take anything after what happened with Josh so I refused anything strong. 
     
    I was also terrified of an epidural because of the needle in your spine.  I was afraid I would be paralyzed. Not sure that would ever happen, but I wasn\’t taking any chances on that one.  Besides I wanted to be able to feel childbirth and fully experience it. 
     
    One other option that our hospital had that I took full advantage of with Josh & Seth was the Whirlpool.  It is a sterile one person whirlpool that you sit in and then it tilts back.  Between the warm water and the jets on your back you can almost forget you are in labor.  I actually went from 3 to 8 cm while in there and hardly felt it with my 2nd one.  You might want to check into that.
     
    -S.

  27. Toni says:

    oh, yeah. muffin. i think she had a friend in high school with the name, and when I said something about an outfit making her look like a blueberry muffin, it was all over from there. she stopped calling her "muffin" after about a week of crazy looks from other people who called the child by her given name. Thank God.

  28. Unknown says:

    what the fcuk?  you\’re preggers? 
    congrats on that one.  Hope you\’re well. you missed my birthday last week btw!
    B

  29. Lizzie-Beth4Him says:

    K.M.
     
    MawMaw!  I think you have the situation well in hand, there.  Have a blessed weekend!
     
    Hugs,
    Beth

  30. Unknown says:

     
    Your mom reminds me of my dad. But we are pals and can ask him to back off anytime.
    Just take things cool. You have quite a few months before you need to decide on the names.
     
    Take one thing at a time. And remember your hormones are not exactly normal these days. You\’d feel upset about things that did not bother you before. That is only natural.
     
    Looking forward to the next entries – whatever you decide to write about.
    Keep smiling. Your baby needs that.
     

  31. Carol says:

    I say have your class brainstorm some baby names.  I\’d love to hear what they come up with.

  32. Unknown says:

    Hey,
     
    I have been reading your blog for a long time and I am so excited that you are pregnant.  That is wonderfu
    news for you and your husband.  As far as the epidural, it may only be in Florida, but I had to go and watch
    a film about epidurals way before my daughter was born, I had to know way in advance if I was
    going to use an Epidural or not.  Just a thought, in case you need one and the law is the same in
    Arkansas, I don\’t want them to say you didn\’t go to that class or film, just ask your doctor.
    I used to be a second grade teacher.  I don\’t teach anymore, but sure wish teachers made the
    money they deserve like professional sports people!!
     
    Have a great weekend.  Thanks for writing, you are an awesome writer and teacher!
     
    Gwen in Florida

  33. Sheryl-Ann says:

    I thought this was very funny, KM.  Your mom is crazy (smile)!  I would just ignore her……jeez, it\’s your baby.  Mothers are so sweet, yet they can be so crazy sometimes.  My mum always has an opinion too, but I just smile at her and do whatever I like anyway.  She then just moves on to my sister and tries to control her because she knows I won\’t get mad – I\’ll just ignore her and do my own thing.

  34. Gina says:

    She will call the baby by whatever you choose because she will fall head over heals for him/her (or both??) and be so proud of her new grandchild the minute she lays eyes on it. 
    I guess having a baby is sort of similar to planning a wedding.  Everyone thinks they know whats best. 

  35. Aimee says:

    wow…i would be telling her to stuff it…this it your turn to do what she has already done…your choices are the right ones…stick to your guns…
    :o) smiles are contagious…pass one to people that you love and those you don\’t… :o)

  36. Marsha says:

    Your mom is out of line.  As the mom of 5 & grandmorther of 1+, that stuff is just definitely out of line.

  37. Marsha says:

    Ewww – spellcheck!  But you know what I meant.  "Grandmorther" – yeah me.
     
    Myrtle from up 540.

  38. Sherry says:

    My sister found out through the family grapevine that I didn\’t like the name she chose for my nephew. When she called me on it, I just told her, it\’s her son, her choice, I didn\’t have to like it. They have shortened it now that he\’s 6 and it fits a little better.  On the other hand, I had a  hand in naming 2 of my brothers sons.  Guess it all works out.
    Congratulations

  39. Wahzat says:

    I should introduce your mother to my mother and mother-in-law. My mother actually made me totally rethink the name choice I had for my daughter. So instead of naming my daughter Isabelle, which I love, I stuck it in as a middle name.
     
    My only advice that I have had to learn in the hard way is that… Mothers would be mothers that is their job, but this is your life, your child and your decision. SHe would make a big stink now and it may be a point of contention for a few months, but guess what it WILL blow over and you and your husband will be the one to live with your decision. And like me you are living away from your mother so bide with her for the while and know that she is going to be in another state.
     
    Just think you are going to be a Mommy!!! YEAH!!!
     
     

  40. tressie says:

    aarrghghggghhhh!  MOTHERS!! I remember my mother telling me how wonderful it was for her sans meds during childbirth.  puleeeezzz.  i do have to admit thought Katy, that it is nice to hear that other moms are as irritating as my own can be.  i love her, but……yeah.  🙂  ahhhh…life! (sigh)

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