In case you were wondering

What She Wore: Jeans (a size bigger than usual), white t-shirt, grey slip-on tennis shoes.


Ever notice how we make all these assumptions about people?  In the last twenty-four hours I’ve had two really close friends tell me some of the most amazing things: one told me I had a great sex life, the other talked about my certainty at having a baby.  She told me, “you two make it look easy.”

 

And I’m like whaaaaaaa?

 

These are the types of things we can never know about the people around us: how things are when the lights go out, how happy they are, if they’re confused or have regrets.  Why do we make these assumptions about the people around us?  Convince ourselves that their lives are somehow different or better than ours.  Where do we get this drive?

 

My husband had a good chuckle over these thoughts and pronounced, “It’s because we live far away.”  Perhaps.  

 

Was I absolutely certain about having a baby?  Nope.  I was trying to have a baby, and I was busy making other career plans at the same time.  Now, one of those things will have to be put on hold—and I don’t think the baby is going to wait.  I think that when you wait for something to be “perfect” you end up waiting a long time.  It was a good time to have a baby, and the details will just have to work themselves out.  Are there things left unfinished?  Sort of—but they’re not the kinds of things that show up on Christmas cards, or that sing songs with you in the car.   I have loved no job like this one. Daily, I feel as if I am making a difference and accomplishing something.  I love that people know me, and think that I can do a good job.  It is with great regret that I put these things on hold—but they are only on hold. 

 

I think that some people feel that if you make a different decision than they do then you’ve got some amazing insight or security that they don’t.  This just isn’t the case.  I’m just making a bet.  I’m betting that I’ll love being a mother—I’m betting that I’ll love little fingers and toes.  I’m betting that I’ll make it through the teenage years without throwing myself off a cliff.  I’m betting that in the end, the pros will outweigh the cons. 

 

But it’s just a bet.  There are no guarantees in life.  Certain?  Absolutely not.  Ready?  Let’s hope—but I am hopeful.

 

KM

 

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About takedeux

In one summer I had a baby who was hospitalized for five weeks, quit my job, and moved back to my hometown. This blog is about starting over.
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18 Responses to In case you were wondering

  1. Becca says:

    Life is not a dress rehearsal. Live it, love it, and have no regrets.
     
    Hugs,
    Becca

  2. Becca says:

    But KM you already have the best Christmas present of all..touch your abdomen, dear one..Merry Christmas! Do something really special for yourself. You deserve it!
    Becca

  3. tressie says:

    ha!  it\’s true – wait till you have this baby and in 6 or 7 years YOUR husband will drink the Propel water!! My husband swears that he can still taste it.  EWWWW ICK!  I am glad you came over to visit – i know you are like Miss Popular right now and all (gag huh?) so I appreciate your time coming over and reading.  Your boots yesterday – the black ones?  were sooooo hot!  One time many years ago, i used to dress really nice.  I also had great hair days.  Then when my children came, I opted for the extra 1/2 hour in the morning.  Don\’t give in KM – hold on to your fashion sense!! 
    On a more real note, your writing today is really great.  Wish I had the sense at MY age that you do at YOURS.  I understand about loving to teach.  I used to think "I can\’t believe they PAY me to do this job"  Being a teacher will make you that much better of a mom too.  The two seem to go hand in hand. 
    Check back later sometime and read my next scheduled blog – it\’s a "Something About Mary" kind of story, only with 3rd graders.  It too was real. And it was really funny.  Teaching is like being at a sort of Comedy Central all day long.
    Take care chickadee…  tressie

  4. tressie says:

    i know i know – run on sentences, poor punctuation – no capitalization – hey!  i teach kindergarten – what do you expect??  LOL
     
    C\’mon hon – click on that \’accept\’ button so my little blond girl in my friends\’ box will have a home and not just an invitation. 🙂
     
    tressie

  5. WINDOW LIVE says:

    Well said.  I have never been a gambler except in life.  I have most usually followed my heart not my head.  That has been a good choice sometimes.  I try not to look back or forward and just live for today!

  6. Unknown says:

    I like what you had to say. I do not want kids for many reasons or at least I say to myself I do not want kids. I don\’t think I would be a good mother or I feel that this is not the time since it is jsut my husband and I and our family is 3,000 miles away. Who would help me? Or I do not want to have to be responsible for someone else\’s life. I have watched my mother-in-law go through losing 2 children in the past few years and the heartache she has been through and I feel what if that happens to me. I could go on and on. You have opened my eyes a little bit. Hopefully, you will continue to talk about your pregnancy and maybe slowly help me to deal with my non-child bearing issues. Thanks for your insight and I am so happy for you.

  7. Antonella says:

    Very true!!!
     
    I\’m sorry my site hates you! I\’ve had the same problem with other people\’s sites, I don\’t know what the problem is! I like looking at my pics too, it\’s the strangest thing to see how I look, it\’s like a different person. But of course, that\’s not everything, I was thinking of sharing all the lovely changes of pregnancy, but decided it would be to graphic. You start leaking for all different places, things get swollen, everything\’s stretching. It\’s all pretty crazy. You\’ll see. It\’s ok though, a lot of people complain, but to me, this has really been the best 8 months of my life!
    Antonella

  8. Sheryl-Ann says:

    Hey KM, it\’s a case of the grass always being greener on the other side.  People always think others have it better than they do.  They wish they were KM, or Bobby, or Billy, or Mary because their life just seems so perfect.  However, you are right.  Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors – the struggles that one faces in making decisions and in overcoming certain obstacles.  Life is about taking chances and doing what feels right to us.  Everyone has their own \’perfect\’ time and we cannot judge ours by someone else\’s.  Things will work out one way or another.  This entry made me think of my friends who felt they should wait to have a baby until they were well established in their careers………..that was the seemingly perfect time for them.  Sadly, they have been unable to conceive for years and are giving up hope.  Do what\’s right for your family, KM.  Have faith and hope and you all will be alright.  Have a Merry Christmas and a blessed 2007!

  9. Elizabeth says:

    Six and a half years into this mothering gig and I\’m STILL learning.  Mostly my kids teach me. 😉   

  10. Karla says:

    You notice you got a boot theme going on?You & A do make the whole relationship thing look easy- well if not always easy at least ya\’ll give me hope

  11. Stacy says:

    Everything you feel is normal.  No one told me and so I felt guilty when I had second thoughts or momentary regrets.  It is okay to question your decision to have a baby.  Even afterwards there will be times that you think – oh, I wish I didn\’t have children.  And it is okay.  I thought there was something seriously wrong with me for having those thoguhts.  I love being a mother and I love my children.  I wouldn\’t change it for the world, but there are times that I think "Hmm, what would life be like if I hadn\’t had them?  What if I had waited? What if ….?  I can what if until I am blue in the face, but the minute I see them smile or they come and give me a hug for no reason, I know it was all worth it.
     
    -S.

  12. Nadine says:

     Hey, you are Modern Woman!
     That means you can do anything!!
     You can be a mommy and have a career….and to top it off…the Cherry on top….a great hubby!!
     Sure it can seem overwhelming but with a great support team you can do anything!!
     
     Hugs!!

  13. Tracy says:

    Ya, too often people wait to do things (babies, marriage, etc) until things are just perfect.  Well it\’s never gonna be perfect!! If I ever find myself a new man, and decide to have a baby, I\’d like to not actively be "trying" but also not be doing anything to keep it from happening.  I never want to get so caught up in it that it becomes stressful – things like this happen when they are meant to happen.  And it\’s meant for you right now.  I am so excited to read all your pregnancy stories and then baby stories, you are gonna be such a great mom!!!  That is funny though what your friends said – it\’s like hey were your friends sitting around talking about you and your hub\’s sex life? Kinda funny to imagine other people thinking about it!!  It\’s amazing to me how many marriages look, from the outside, to be just perfect, but really they are not, and you find out stuff later that you never would have guessed. 

  14. Jaysey says:

    Imagine you hear me singing the song from Moulin Rouge: "All you need is love!"  That\’s the answer–I\’m convinced.

  15. Nora says:

    Excellent and moving post, I can\’t imagine why you didn\’t get a better response.  Except that sometimes when someone makes me think, I have to wait and come back to respond. 
     
    I have to watch myself sometimes when I want what I think other people have and remember that my fantasy about them is not necessarily reality.  Parenting is the greatest adventure I have ever been on.  I wrote a post about it today, inspired by something  you wrote in an earlier entry.

  16. Ami says:

    I completely understand your position. I\’ve been both the judger of other\’s lives and the judgee, and neither place is a good place to be. I guess it\’s just human nature to compare yourself to others, and since we can never truly know what goes on behind closed doors (or on the other side of the country) we\’re usually comparing to something we\’ve created based on minimal observations. I guess it\’s best to remember that we\’re all making bets and no one is as sure as they may seem. 🙂

  17. Aimee says:

    lol…you are right nothing is certain…but i am sure that with some time you will become more comfortable about the mom thing and you will do just fine…
    :o) smiles are contagious…pass one to people that you love and those you don\’t… :o)

  18. KEL says:

    Welcome back…I am glad to hear that you will continue to blog, I really enjoy hearing your thoughts.  Take care and don\’t let anyone rain on your parade!!~K

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