In Defense of Marriage

What She Wore: pink striped pajama pants; long-sleeve LSU t-shirt.  I don’t even match.  Apparently, I was coming down with one heck of a somach virus, so it’s me, TLC, and a big bottle of Sprite.

You may have read that two of my friends are getting a divorce.  Jenn also printed a very distrubing article in which many woman admitted to "settling" recently.  All of this really made me want to write some great manifesto about marriage and what it has to offer.  To defend an institution that I really believe in.

I had no idea where to start, so this is what I came up with:

I can’t defend any marriage, but my own–which I’m crazy about. 

My husband is the best thing that ever happened to me.  His immediate acceptance made me RELAX for maybe the first time in years.  Even when I completely suck, he realizes that this is a passing thing, and not the real me.  He believes deeply that I am a good person, and there is no better feeling than that.  He rarely criticizes which was a rarity in my family.  He makes me feel secure, and that enables me to do more than I think possible. 

But it’s not just about me: even if he weren’t my husband, he is a person I would respect.  He’s quiet, but can particiapte in a conversation.  He’s thoughful, and can hold his own in a debate.  He works hard, and cares deeply about the quality of the work he does.  He’s not interested in gagets and toys, but cares about family and people. 

When marriage is at its best, it should be like this: You should come home every day to a person who supports you, and sees the best in you.    When you feel like you can’t go on–they don’t neccessarily fix everything–but they hold your hand and make you think that maybe you could.  Hopefully, they’ll be a person with whom you can share your dreams, and who gives you support when you want to go out on a limb. 

Marrying someone doesn’t mean taking home Prince Charming.  The man of your dreams will still have dirty underwear, will still spend a whole weekend watching TV, and will work late sometimes.  I hate when people say "marriage isn’t easy."  Despite it’s changes and challenges, I think that marriage should enhance your life. 

 I don’t think everyone needs to run off and get married–but if you are going to get married, I hope it’s the best.  The absolute best.

KM

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About takedeux

In one summer I had a baby who was hospitalized for five weeks, quit my job, and moved back to my hometown. This blog is about starting over.
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17 Responses to In Defense of Marriage

  1. Becca says:

    Marriage is a partnership, a give and take, even on your worst days. A marriage is to someone who you would want to take care of you when you have the flu, you know, when you are at your absolute worst, and when they don\’t go running for the hills, and when they rub your back when you are praying to the porcelain goddess for the upteenth time, you just know, don\’t you? 🙂 Nah, Mitch was always there with an ear, and a heart open to listen. He might not have the answers and I might not be looking for a solution to life\’s problems just knowing that someone hears me is often enough. He is the one person that I know is there for me, no matter what. He has been now, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, and for richer and for poorer..I hope that the last part doesn\’t come for a very, very long time!
     
    I hope that you feel better soon!
    Becca

  2. Jaysey says:

    The other day I was watchign Oprah, and she was interviewing different couples and talking to this relationship expert.  Oprah made a good observation that I have often made myself.  She declared, "Romance has ruined us!"  And sadly, I think that as long as people continue to believe in the idea of Prince Charming, they will continue to fail in marriage.  It is those who accept that their partners aren\’t perfect and learn to adapt, as you and the Hub have obviously done, who will be successful.

  3. Stacy says:

    I had written a post a while back asking whether you loved your spouse or you were in love with your spouse.  I believe that you can be both and probably should be both.  But it is very sad that many people just love their spouse, and sometimes that is just out of habit or obligation.  I am truely in love with my husband.  He is my best friend and the one that holds me up.  The one I lean on, cry to, laugh with, and love.  Can I live without him? I am sure that I probably could, but I never WANT to EVER.  I can\’t imagine my life without him.  Maybe it is because we married young and grew up together (as young adults not children and teens) that we have such a bond.  We can finish each others sentences, know when the other needs a phone call. and completely depend on each other.  I love growing with my husband in age and wisdom and raising the 3 boys with him has been the icing on the cake.  I hope this all makes sense.
     
    -S.

  4. KEL says:

    Marriage…yes it is work and there are plenty of challenges and changes but I think that is true about life in general.  Nothing is ever really easy and if it is we don\’t really respect it or have a desire for it.  Even though I am newly married, we know its not always going to be an easy road, but one thing we have learned thru our seperation is that having a marriage where the partner is also a friend is a great foundation.  We\’ve learned that each other is flawed but they are still the same person we fell in love with despite this. ~K

  5. Sheryl-Ann says:

    It\’s the dirty underwear that I cannot deal with that\’s why I am single…..just kidding:)!  Seriously, though, this is a great entry and I hope more people will think about what you have said here before they decide to get married.  Many people go into it with false expectations and I think that\’s a recipe for disaster.  My friend asked me today whether I would ever get married, and my response was that I simply don\’t know.  I will not settle for just anyone, and I am not looking for a Prince Charming either, but I want someone who will be there for me during the ups and the downs, just like I will be there for him.  Very lovely entry, KM!

  6. Leighann says:

    I had that stomach flu!!!!!!!  I lost 5 pounds in 12 hours.  It was horrible because Sam was sick too!!  My hubbie never got it though.  I loved this post.  I copied and pasted to my hubbie.  I hope he reads it.

  7. g says:

    I agree!  I have learned through the last 16 years, but mostly the last two that it takes two people to make a marriage work. You have to stay on the same track and not get led off in other directions…that is what happened to me and my hub and we did even realize it till the s**t hit the fan, but we are back on the right track and have much more communication going on…now we just need to work on the kids…they are spoiled…and my daughter, well you read about her.  We are just taking one day at a time.
     
    g.j.

  8. KENT says:

    you got my vote!  Thanks for a wonderful blog and for your insight into marriage.  I know that i\’m a better person because of the woman I married.  This April it will be 36 years.  It hasn\’t always been easy,  but when we both pull the same direction, we can overcome almost anything.  My dad always told me that the only thing worse then not being married was being married to the wrong person.  We still have a "date" every week,  I still open doors for her and treat her like the lady she is.  I\’m happy in my marriage and glad to see that you are too!

  9. Tracy says:

    Speaking as someone who just got divorced — I will say that I haven\’t given up on marriage and I think it can be great – but I never want to settle – I think a lot of people marry just to marry — they feel they are at the right point in their lives and marry the person they happen to be with then.  That said I also am a little cynical on the marriage thing,  I think people put WAY to much emphasis on the WEDDING without thinking about the MARRIAGE that comes after that one wedding day! And I admit, when I see people getting married, I think huh I wonder if it\’ll last — hey the facts are that near 50% end in divorce.  It\’s also amazing how many people that, I thought had perfect marriages, I later find out the troubles they went thru or they get divorced and you find out all kinds of nasty stuff that went on. 

  10. Toni says:

    I couldn\’t agree more; I read Jenn\’s entry on it a little bit ago and have been thinking about it ever since. Sounds like you got the right idea…~toni

  11. Dawn says:

    that was lovely…I teared up (of course I tear up a lot, but hey)…this is how I feel about Brett….even when he pisses me off….

  12. Sarah says:

    This is a great entry! Love it!

  13. Unknown says:

    It is the best, the absolute best.
     
    but then so are you!!!!
    FrazzleddiaperchangingnosleepinghappymarriedMercy

  14. Hilary says:

    I totally agree with you!  What an awesome well-written post!  I blogged last year about this idea that marriage weighs you down.  Many of my friends didn\’t want to have their dreams stifled because of a spouse.  My feeling was that marriage never weighs you down, and that you have new dreams that you create together~ I hate that marriage gets such a bad rap.

  15. siobhan says:

    I love this post and I agree with you so much. I will say though, that I believe that a good marriage does take some work.  I don\’t mean work, like nasty, tedious work.  I mean nuturing, taking time for eachother, listening to one another, honest communication.  Sometimes that can be hard.  Last year, my hubby and I started neglecting eachother and our marriage.  We were so close to losing it all, but Thank God, before we did we started talking, and talking then we discovered that the love we felt from the beginning was still there.  Then we spent some time rediscovering eachother.  I think some people expect it to always be like it was in the beginning with the first flush of love and life.  It\’s not going to stay that way, at least not automatically.  Robert can still give me butterflies, but now there is also, comfort, deep abiding friendship, patience and understanding.  The love and infatuation has evolved into something that we never ever again want to take for granted!
    Siobhan

  16. Aimee says:

    marriage is two people trying to work together for a better life…
    :o) smiles are contagious…so pass one to people that you love and those you don\’t…and soon everyone will be smiling… :o)

  17. Wahzat says:

    This entry sure gave me fodder for thought! I had to come back and comment.
     
    Firstly, it was with a little envious twinge that I read your blog, everytime you write on your husband and your marriage, your genuine love and admiration shines through and I feel just a teeny bit ….dare I say it jealous.
     
    Don\’t get me wrong I think marriage as an institution is a really great thing and I love being married and a being part of a married loving couple. I don\’t, however, think that saying that marriage isn\’t easy or that marriage takes work is such a bad thing. If you liken marriage to your career. It is something that you enjoy doing, being involved in, but it takes work.  The fact that it doesn\’t feel like work and that you are having fun doesn\’t mean that it is still not work. There are certain things that you have to do to make the marriage successful, happy and nutured, and once these are done then you have worked at a happy marriage.
     
    So good to see that you are proud of and happy to defend an institution that so many are happy to decry. Because of this entry and your example of a happy marriage though I have rethought the word \’work\’ in this instance and think that it is a positive word to be attached to it.
     
    Sorry I rambled on for so long….
    hope you have a great week!!
     

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