Big decisions

What She Wore: Pink striped pajama pants, white t-shirt, bare feet.  I think I’m iron deficient or something-I just can’t seem to get moving these days.

I think that we all have things we have to deal with in life that we’d rather not.  For me, this issue is my job. 
 
Before my husband and I even moved here, we started discussing the idea of having a family.  We purposely went with the smaller house, so we’d have smaller payments.  We’ve saved money conscientiously, and I’ve made big strides towards having my car paid off by August of this year (might be more like September, but I’m trying).  Basically, we made provisions for me to be a stay-at-home mom if that’s what I wanted to do.  Well, by the end of this year I have to make a decision, and it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. 
 
I love the idea of staying home with the munchkin, but I don’t know anyone who’s ever done that.  I’ve spent five years building what I like to call a career;  I’m finally comfortable, and know that I could teach in most enviroments.  I also know that I have a bit of magic in my building: people work hard, don’t complain, love the kids to pieces, and are basically nice.  And my shoes?  Well, granted, I have enough to get me through the next millenium, but I’d have to buy SIGNIFICANTLY less shoes if I stayed home. 
 
Of course, the reasons to stay home are just as plentiful. There will always be work–there will only be one chance to stay home with this baby. We have no family in the area, so I’d have to leave my child with strangers.  The only people I know who stay home with their kids quit part-time jobs.  I have no one to reassure me that this is a good decision–I have to go with my gut. 
 
I’ve always thought I’d be a stay-at-home mom, but am I sure about this decision?  Absolutely not. 
 
KM
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About takedeux

In one summer I had a baby who was hospitalized for five weeks, quit my job, and moved back to my hometown. This blog is about starting over.
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27 Responses to Big decisions

  1. Carol says:

    It\’s not an easy decision because you don\’t know what\’s right for you until you do it.  I intended to stay home after my first was born, but after six months I knew I needed the stimulation that I got from working to make me happy.  I think the key is if you\’re happy your family will be happy.

  2. Carol says:

    It\’s not an easy decision because you don\’t know what\’s right for you until you do it.  I intended to stay home after my first was born, but after six months I knew I needed the stimulation that I got from working to make me happy.  I think the key is if you\’re happy your family will be happy.

  3. Sheryl-Ann says:

    This has to be a very difficult decision.  However, I think you should go with your heart, your deepest instincts, and you will do what is right for your family.  After a few months, you can re-evaluate your decision and go from there.  I like the idea of staying home with a baby for at least the first year or two.  I know not everyone can afford to do it, but personally, I just hate the idea of putting babies in daycare so early in their life.  My mum was a stay-at-home mum so I guess I will always be in favor of that, but as long as you are at peace with whatever decision you make, I think you will be happy.  It\’s a tough one, though.  Good luck!

  4. Leighann says:

    I can\’t remember when you are due.  Is there a way you can sign your contract for next year and take a full year maternity?  I never thought I\’d be a stay at home mom, but now I am rethinking.  I\’m also a teacher, but in a rural public school.  I\’m also seriously considering homeschooling.  My husband\’s not on the bandwagon for that though.  Sam\’s just two, so I have plenty of time to work on that.  I think I will work for one more school year.  I\’d really like to have another baby soon though!!!  My husband\’s not on the bandwagon for that either.  Oh well.  We\’ll see.

  5. Wahzat says:

    It is so funny I am now reading about this. The debate between the Stay at home Mom and the Going to work Mom. To be honest I have been both and they both come with their own unique set of challenges. This is truly a decision that only you can make. And know that even after you have decided you will have moments of second guessing.
    I was going to suggest what Sam\’s Mom has. See if you can take a year off … You could be like Carol and me and jump for the opportunity to get back into the workforce. I did that initially and I was happy to go back into the work force. Or you may just love the new full time job of being a Mom like I am doing now.
     
    As I said before it really all depends on you and what your gut tells you.
     
    Oh and by the way your prenatal vitamins should have healthy dose of iron in them so you should not  worry about becoming iron deficient.
     
    Have a great week!

  6. Wahzat says:

    Oh and it is not fair that you can hula hoop!!
    SIGH!! I am going to practice!

  7. Christi says:

    Katy – this is such a hard decision and one only you can make for yourself (nice, that\’s a lot of help, isn\’t it?).  However, I will tell you this: I wrestled and wrestled with going back to work.  I didn\’t have a choice because of money issues.  Now I am working 3 jobs to pay off debt so that I can stay home.  That said, once the option became viable, I got very scared.  I worried about losing my identity, my career, my grown up time.  Then my preemie son got RSV and croup.  I missed a month of work taking care of him 24 hours a day and the decision was made for me.  I realized that I am missing a lot of his growing up time, and I want to be there for all of the big things that happen to him.  On the other side of the coin, I have many friends who very successfully and happilly are working mommies and are doing a great job.  Personally, I think maternity leave will help you figure things out a little bit.  Email me if you want to talk more about it.  I would love to chat.

  8. WINDOW LIVE says:

    Wow, Tiffiany is going through the same thing.  I say if you can afford to stay home…DO IT.  I had to work.  I hated it.  I wanted to be with my kids all of the time.  You can go back to work, you can\’t go back and enjoy kids when they are small.

  9. Christi says:

    PS – I am a shoe monger, and clothes and bags, but suddenly, they became a little less important when I had my little man.  Not UNIMPORTANT, but less important!  🙂

  10. Tracy says:

    Ya, that\’s a tough decision.  I say go with your gut and hey if you take a year off teaching, and don\’t like the stay at home mom thing, you can always go back to it.  I personally don\’t know what I would do if I have a child and have the option to stay home.  I think I would go stir-crazy and I am not the type to go play tennis with the other moms or something like that and I think I\’d enjoy working part-time.  Not to mention being divorced I do wonder; what if I marry again, and he leaves too – that makes me want to keep my job, know I can support myself.  I know that\’s stupid but I guess being thru what I have, I think of those things!!  You are lucky in that as a teacher you have holidays and summers off so you\’d still get to spend a lot of time with the little one.  I personally think daycare is great for kids and laugh at my sister in laws who are stay at home moms, yet the kids go to "preschool" starting at age 2 — so ya the moms stay home, but then they pay to put the kid into preschool.  It just doesn\’t make much sense to me. Go with your gut; I know people who have intended on going back to work but then after the maternity leave, just couldn\’t do it.  And I know that I can sit here and say I want to be independent and work, but that can all change in a moment if I ever do have a baby!

  11. Antonella says:

    It\’s definately not an easy decision. Everyone is different, you know what I wish I could do. I think that you won\’t really know for sure until you\’re little one is here. Some people get bored staying at home while others love it. You\’ll figure out the right thing for you when the time comes.
    Antonella

  12. -c says:

    I was a stay-at-home mom for my first four, then decided it was time for me and began my career in IT. No. 5 was born and I just wan\’t willing to give up the me part so she went to a sitter. I love my job but I really regret the time I lost with her.
     
    -cindy

  13. Unknown says:

    If you\’re in the financial position to stay home, then go for it!!  God bless 🙂

  14. Nadine says:

     If you have the opportunity to stay at home….do it. Do what you feel comfortable with. Later when the babe is older you may want to get back into teaching. And there is nothing wrong with going to work either….there is no right or wrong here.

  15. Tiffany says:

    Hey there!  Just thought I would comment because I\’m going through the same dilema!  Go read the past couple entries of mine and you will see.  I\’ve decided it\’s best that I stay at home with Baylee.  Even though she is 2, I\’ve already missed out on so many important things.  I\’ve had to hear 2nd hand so many times of her 1st\’s!  I don\’t want to do that anymore.  So, we are planning on selling our house (to have a smaller payment) and get something closer to Britt\’s office.  We also plan on starting to have more children this summer so I would be at home for that as well.  I think if you have the opportunity to do it… then go for it!  My Mom always had to work and there were things I wish she was at home for.  Especially when I started school!  Either decision you make I know you will think it through and really already sounds like you have.
     
    Hugs – Tiffany

  16. KEL says:

    Big decisions are a part of life (unfortunately it\’s not always a fun part of life).  My mother was a stay at home mother and I have wonderful memories of that time that I would love to give to my daughter, however I am not the type of person who can do that and manage to stay sane.  I think decisions such as these, however hard they may be, lead us down the path of who we truly are…tough decisions help shed some light on what is really important to us.~K

  17. Brenda says:

    Just to give my "2 cents" worth, I left a full time career to be a SAHM and never looked back.  (This was back when it was considered a crazy thing to do, which wasn\’t even that long ago!)  We have no extended family in the area, and I couldn\’t stand the thought of leaving the kids in daycare.  Anyway, since I love my work almost as much as I do staying at home with the kids, I\’ve gradually re-entered the work force.  And you know what?  Everyone turned out pretty good, if I do say so myself. :)My advice to you: Go with your heart.  (While keeping in mind that you would be the best full-time caregiver of all to that precious little one, without a doubt.)  You\’ll make the right decision, whatever it may be.

  18. Jaysey says:

    Maybe it\’s a try-and-see thing.  You know, just try it out and see how it goes.  It\’s not like you can\’t go back to work.  Or maybe you could do halfsies…work part-time instead?  Maybe then you could have the best of both worlds…at least on a trial basis.

  19. Karla says:

    Miss you. Keep trying to call but y\’all never seem to be around. Hope everything is good in your world.

  20. Gina says:

    It\’s a very tough decision, so many pros and cons to factor.  I like most of the advice people left you, namely, what Jaysey and Brenda had to say. 

  21. Elizabeth says:

    "I\’m finally comfortable, and know that I could teach in most enviroments."  This right here tells me that if you decide to stay home… that should you choose to go back to work some time down the road you\’ll slide right back in as if you\’ve never left. 
    One thing that I am grateful for is that my husband\’s job has him working in the middle of the night… and therefore he\’s been home with the kids during the day while I\’m at work.  We\’ve never had to pay for daycare.  That has given him the opportunity to interact and teach our girls things that they would never have learned otherwise.  Emily was reading before she hit kindergarten, and Abby is on her way as well.  Emily was invited into the gifted program, and she continues to amaze me everyday with what she knows.  I\’m convinced that my husband directly affected that.  I wonder if the circumstances might be different had the girls been in daycare? 
    I do find myself becoming jealous of him at times.  There seems to be this role reversal and I want to be the one who\’s "stayed home".  But I know that my girls are better off by the choices that we\’ve made so far. 
    You\’ll make the choices that are right for your family.  *hugs*  

  22. Aimee says:

    well i guess only time will tell…you will have to take a chance and see if it is what yo would like to do…i guess you will never know if you don\’t try…right??!
    :o) smiles are contagious…so pass one to people that you love and those you don\’t…and soon everyone will be smiling… :o)

  23. Becca says:

    Go with your heart at the time. Only you will know what is right for you.Hugs,Becca

  24. Cheryl says:

    Katy,
    u will have some time to work that one out.  I would guess that you will go out of school on maternity leave and then have 6 weeks after with the baby.  You can take unpaid leave after that for the rest of the year and sometimes the district will give you another leave without pay for an additional year.  Since there is a teacher shortage, they like to retain good staff  (SMILE)  and it usually means you can go back to your old school too.  Sooooo you have a little time to think and try out the whole Mommie thing.  I know that I sometimes wished I had stayed home with my little kids especially when they were sick and really needed me but I had to go to work anyway.  Do what you can, Teachers are a valuable commodity, and you could take classes while being a mommie and come back in a better job situation!
    Cheryl

  25. Christine says:

    Katy,
    Just keep praying for guidance, but don\’t forget to stop and LISTEN in the quiet for HIS answer.  "I know the plans I have for you, plans for your welfare, not for woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope."  Jeremiah 29:11  Being a SAHM is a difficult job, however, you are more than able to do it.  You will know your child better than anyone else.  You will see the little one\’s milestones..first smile, first step…All of my children were in someone else\’s care for at least part of their preschool age years.  I missed out on an awful lot.  Those years when they are little go by so quickly.  I look at my children now and can\’t believe that my "baby" will be 7….how did that happen?  I didn\’t tell them they were allowed to gorw up!  LOL  As someone else already stated, you and your DH will make the decision that is best for YOUR family in YOUR situation.
     
    God Be with you in this decision!
     
    Christine

  26. Christine says:

    Sorry for the double comment.  I forgot to comment on your "I think I have low iron" statement.  You could have low iron.  Your OB should be checking your hemoglobin when you go for your checkups.  You can always be sure to ask.  If you have been craving high iron foods (spinach, liver, beef) and want to sleep all the time, your iron could be low.  This can be debilitating to you, so make sure to address the subject with your doctor.  Be healthy!!!!!
    Christine

  27. g says:

    Hard decision.  I stayed home with both my kids for almost a year before going back to school/work.  I wish I would have stayed longer, but i have accomplished a lot and been there for them during their school years since i have the same hours.  It has bee a good decision.
     
    g.j.

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