Off Track

What She Wore: White V-neck tee; straight, black skirt; polka dot espadrilles with red laces.  The shoes are hard to describe–I’ll try to get a picture up by the end of the night, but a guy I work with described them like this: if Minnie Mouse were to become a hooker, these are the shoes she’d wear.  Personally, I LOVE them.

I was going to tell you all about my husband’s car–and I’ll do that tomorrow or something, but a conversation I had a work has got my curiosity flowing.
 
How friendly is too friendly with a married man?  Is there a line in the sand, or is each case different?  If you are married, or have a significant other, are there boundaries that you think need to exist between that person and the people they work with?  What kinds of communication are acceptable?  What about gifts?
 
For me, I’ve always maintained these personal boundaries for working with the opposite sex:
  1. I make every attempt to know/befriend the spouses of the people I work with
  2. I don’t spend a lot of time with the opposite sex unless it’s work related.  If I am in a situation where I need to work with someone like this, I always keep the body language distant.
  3. I make sure my husband knows who I work with, and make attempts to let him meet them. 

Tell me what you think–I’m all ears.  The guy at work says that I’m a typical woman–making something out of nothing, but I tell you this–if I felt someone was inappropriately approaching my husband, I would NOT stand for it.  Would not.  My (future) family, and my marriage are my priority–forget about niceness.

KM

 

I guess in my attempts to be diplomatic I’m not being very clear.  I’m not too worried about my rules–I’m comfortable with them, and with my spouse, but I wonder what other people think the "rules" are.  I see people that do things that i think aren’t OK–the intentions might be OK, but I don’t think the actions are.  How would you feel if someone at work paid an unusual amount of attention to your spouse?  Clearly favored them and spent a lot of time talking to them about personal issues?  Would you be OK with that?  Personally, I might have to put the smack down. 

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About takedeux

In one summer I had a baby who was hospitalized for five weeks, quit my job, and moved back to my hometown. This blog is about starting over.
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13 Responses to Off Track

  1. Antonella says:

    I agree with your boundries. I\’m friendly but not too friendly!
    About the circumcision, Dante was. I don\’t really care either way, we did it because Magbert is Muslim and it\’s a tradition for them, but magbert didn\’t care much anyway. In the US, it is the norm to get circumsised. Dante didn\’t have any trouble or anything, he was a little grouchy for the day after, and that was it. It\’s a personal decision.
    Let me know what everyone else says, I\’m interested! I know that now it\’s the norm, but I heard that more people are choosing not to.
    Antonella

  2. Leah says:

    randomly read that last comment–I have 5 bros and being Canadian (and afflicted with TMI) none of them are circumcized. At the hospital they always said don\’t bother, it\’s a pain, you have to bring in a rabbi…
    One of them ended up having to get circumcized when he was 7 or 8 and it didn\’t seem like all that big a deal. My brothers always said though that in the locker room at school in the US, they always looked around and felt a little out of place. I live in the US now and don\’t know if I\’ve ever seen an uncircumcized adult male.

  3. Cheryl says:

    About working and friends.  Over the years I have worked with male and female teachers.  There were some who were close friends. I guess it is all about the vibes someone gives out.  The male teachers who I worked with seemed to be ok and would drop by my class for a coffee and a chat, generally about work or maybe just what was going on.  It was never personal, and I did not feel that it posed a problem.  In fact, it was a joke cause there were two men in the school and they would assess the new teachers up and then decide which ones "belonged" to them! LOL!!!  Of course, it was a running joke and no one took it seriously!  Now the teacher who came one year, old, old hag, who was like a frisky 20 something had a thing for both men, but the absolute killer was the day that she wore red undies under some thin white pants and a red bra under her white shirt.  BOTH of them RAN away!!!  I about killed myself laughing!!!!!!  Seriously, I guess that there are men who look for adventure wherever they work, those guys I avoid like the plague, and word gets around fast.  Here at school someone was talking about x\’s birthday, and someone else said is it Blank in Science or the trashy one?  I didnt even know he was trashy, but everyone else did, I had not spoken with him.  Usually you just need to follow your instincts and things turn out ok.
     
    Have a nice weekend and know that you are gonna love going back to LA.  I am sure you will have some stories to tell if it is in
    North LA.  There are some real rednecks up there! LOL ;p
    Cheryl

  4. Tracy says:

    I think your boundries are good.  And it\’s kind of a trust your gut thing; if you feel something may be off or not right, you\’re probably right.
     

  5. Becca says:

    I think that boundaries are important. I think that it is a matter of respect. I agree with you. 100%.

  6. Kerri says:

    I\’m so glad you brought this up.  We have been having this discussion in my office for the past couple of weeks.  There are only 3 people in my office.  One of us is married, one is single, and the only male is 5 months out from a divorce.  When he was married, there was absolutly nothing that over stepped any boundry lines.  In my book, if you are married, you are off limits, PERIOD! 
     
    So anyway, is it okay to be friends – just friends – in a work environment.  Or should it be strictly a professional relationship?

  7. Sheryl-Ann says:

    I concur with you on the boundaries you have set.  There is nothing wrong with being friends; however, there is a line that neither of you can cross.  I also think meeting spouses and/or significant others is a good idea.  That way, there is no ambiguity about what is expected (or not expected) in the friendship.  I think the bottom line is to always go with your intuition.  Affairs always start out quite innocently so one always has to be on guard.

  8. Nadine says:

     I think tht it all depends on the relationship between you and your man. I have no problem what so ever with him being around other women….I KNOW WHERE HIS HEART LIES! That doesn\’t mean I won\’t kick ass when I need to kick ass!!! I think that there are boundaries that should be in place and the co-workers that should be respected.

  9. Wahzat says:

    I believe in the theory that male and females can be friends. Even married ones. And at work.
    And it does help to meet the spouses and become friendly with them too.
     
    And if you are meeting outside of work it is definitely wish to include one or both of the partners so that it doesn\’t raise unnecessary concern.
     
    And as hkbookworm1997 says you need to trust your instincts on this one.
     
    hope you are having a great weekend

  10. CJ says:

    Your boundaries are right on!  I know my temparament and I\’d definitely be the one to "put the smack" down!

  11. Nora says:

    Boundaries are important.  We all need lines we do not cross. 

  12. Wahzat says:

    Oh as is usual for me I have given this entry some thought so I am back.
    Recently I have had to speak to my husband about the familiarity or shall I say over-familiarity that a female co-worker was showing towards him. And you are right there are certain boundaries that need to be set in order when having a friendship with a married person.
    And you definitely need to follow your instincts— and in this case my instinct was to tell my husband off for allowing such familiarity to be born in the first place. By this I know I was making my husband aware that the female was stepping over a line. LOL
    As always very thought provoking topic.

  13. Aimee says:

    see i agree…talking about personal things is just asking for trouble…
    :o) smiles are contagious…so pass one to people that you love and those you don\’t…and soon everyone will be smiling… :o)

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