What She Wore: Navy blue, flared skirt with white polka dots; white polo shirt with a ruffle around the collar and cuffs; navy blue shoes with a slim white bow. 

I am not cool.
Despite many attempts to be cool, despite my bluster and bluff, I am not cool.
I forget this sometimes, and as a result may begin to sound a little bossy or self-important.  I may try to sound "above" things like romance and love, but in those cases my husband will eventually put me in my place.
The other day, while riding in the car, the Hub says Do you remember when you told me you wanted to get married?
Uhhh, no
I’m already not liking the way this conversation is going.  I mentioned marriage?  The Rules girls would not approve of this!  No wonder I blocked the whole thing out
We were in college. . .
ahhh. . college.  This may explain a lot.  A large portion of my college memories are fuzzy around the edges.  This is mainly due to the consumption of many rum and cokes.  I think this could explain why I have no memory of this event–I’ll just keep on denying it ever happened. 
So, we were sitting in your dorm room, and you told me you wanted to marry me, and that kind of caught me by surprise. 
Oh my God!!! What was a doing?  Proposing at the age of nineteen?  This is mortifying, and most importantly: not, at all cool!
When you realized how surprised I was, you got embarassed, and ran out of the room crying–I had to chase you all the way down to the lobby. 
This might be the worst thing I have ever done–sweet Lord, why is he re-hashing this stuff?  Can’t we just leave it in the past where it belongs?  I sound like a weepy, sniveling pile of goo, and this is not at all how I like to believe our relationship is–I play it cool, and he comes to me, right?  I’m squirming in my seat, and at this point I have to interrupt. .
Why are you telling this story anyway?  What is the point of this?
Well, said my Hub, turning to look at me, that night was the first time I told you that I loved you. 
Well, damn, no wonder I can’t play it cool with this guy.

About takedeux

In one summer I had a baby who was hospitalized for five weeks, quit my job, and moved back to my hometown. This blog is about starting over.
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26 Responses to Hopeless

  1. Nadine says:

    That is just too sweet….I could eat him with a spoon!!!
    And most of my life is fuzzy around the edges!!
    Have a good day tomorrow!

  2. Kerri says:

    I loved your story. 
    It gives me hope, because I\’m so not cool either.

  3. Tracy says:

    Awwwwwwwwwww that is so cute!!!!!
    And lol about playing it cool.  See, I am SO not cool and this is why I dread the whole dating "game" and YES it\’s a game!!

  4. Stacy says:

    Awwwww……How sweet that he remembers that.  What a great guy.
    BTW – Came we get just one belly shot on here?  Please?  I love baby bellies.  And I bet you are as cute as a button.

  5. Sarah says:

    That\’s a great story! How cute that he remembers it and you had kind of let it blend into the rest of your memories.

  6. Unknown says:

    Cute!  I think all of us girls do things that we look back on now and cringe.  Although, that\’s not really something to warrant a good cringe, but you get my point.  God bless 🙂

  7. Stacy says:

    Hey just stop by the front page and noticed you were featured this week.  Congrats!

  8. Aimee says:

    i think it\’s sweet…if you have found love share it with everyone…i never felt this way until i met kenny…now i woul shout it as i ran down the street…when he tells me that he loves me or kisses me i get butterflies…i am alwys have and always will…i waited a long time to find true love and don\’t care who knows it…
    :o) smiles are free and contagious…so pass one right now to the people you love and those you don\’t…soon everyone will be smiling… :o)

  9. Becca says:

    Ah gotta love that man! And yeah I wanna see a belly shot! Preggo bellies are too cute!

  10. Toni says:

    Good gravy everytime I try to leave a comment my computer goes insane. So. Things are going pretty smoothly this time. What a sweet entry. I had to just laugh–there\’s so much stuff I like to "block out" because I was embarrassed…or whatever…funny how different a perspective your husband had that night. ~Toni

  11. barnyardmama says:

    Uhhhh. . . featured?   I didn\’t know about that.  I\’ll have to check it out.
    Belly pic?  Well, I\’m having technical difficulties with my camera, but maybe my mom has a picture she could send me. 

  12. KEL says:

    Awwww, sometimes men can be so sweet.~K

  13. Unknown says:


  14. Lori says:

    So, the whole "baby in the bedroom thing".  I\’ve done it both ways and here\’s what I found to work the best:  At first I was too tired to even function, so having the baby in my room/bed (alternating between how lazy I was that night/day from lack of sleep) was a good thing FOR ME.  And I enjoyed snuggling with the little bunny.  Then, little Jack slept in the bassinette in my room.  Again, too tired to run upstairs in the middle of the night a million times over a pacifier that got spit out and is now missed- still recovering from sleep deprivation.  By 8 months though…. "see ya later, Toots.  You\’re too big for the basinette and sleeping through the night; I want my bed back and my bedroom back as the \’marital suite.\’"  You do what feels right for you at the time.  Don\’t worry about what everyone else says.  I did Early Childhood too.  It\’s not a PhD in parenting.  Besides, this is you and your husband\’s child and where this bundle of love will sleep doesn\’t determine whether or not their life becomes screwed up.  Love your teacher stories.  I\’m a teacher too.  Leaving the trade though, as it\’s a really soft market- lost my seniority twice now, both times the year I was to be tenured.  I miss it at times. 

  15. Jaysey says:

    Ha HA!  Welcome to the super-smooth club!
    Yes, you can start a sentence with however–as long as it is a complete sentence. However, you should not begin a sentence with but or and. 😉

  16. Tiffany says:

    That is a very sweet story!
    Have a wonderful weekend!
    Hugs – Tiffany

  17. Betsy says:

    That\’s so sweet and even sweeter that he remembered!  But – did you tell him you wanted to marry him before or after he said I love you for the first time?

  18. barnyardmama says:

    Oh, Jaysey, you know I love to start a sentence with but or and.  I\’m well aware of the convention, but ever since I watched Finding Forrester about a million years ago, I use them from time to time.  I\’m a rebel like that. 😉

  19. barnyardmama says:

       Which statement came first, I really don\’t know.  I do know this, my husband didn\’t tell me he loved me for about a million years–to the point where I just didn\’t worry about it any more.  He loved me–he just stressed too much about saying it "prematurely."  Men, who understands them?

  20. Nora says:

    Very sweet.  I think love and cool don\’t often go together.  I guess as much as I want to be cool, one of the best things about marriage is that he\’s one person I know being a dork in front of, won\’t change his opinion of me.  ; )  Hope you are feeling well.

  21. Hollie says:

    that has to be about the best story!
    By the way I fixed my blogspot blog and now all can leave comments!

  22. Gina says:

    awww, what a sweet boyfriend now husband!

  23. tressie says:

    that is so cute – so very sweet – nice we have someone else to help us remember the stuff we forget – i am pretty uncool too – according to my 15 years old daughter – join the club!!  🙂  ttfn ~ tressie

  24. Joell says:

    Saw your space featured on the spaces live page and thought I\’d check it out.  Enjoyed reading your blog!  Very funny.  Bummer about the car.  Teachers are amazing people–keep up the good work.  And good luck with your little one.

  25. Wahzat says:

    THis is so sweet… so amazing… Your husband is really the best 🙂  Isn\’t it great that at 19 you were right about him!
    I can\’t believe that I have not been by to visit for most of the month of April. Oh well I did get to do lots of reading catching up.
    Hope you are doing okay with your depression… You know I think you will be great!!
    Have a great week!

  26. Aunt says:

    sweeeeeeet. Ü

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