Decisions, decisions

What She Wore: turquoise, v-neck shirt; knee-length white shorts; white leather thong sandals.

Initially, I was excited about having a boy.  I figured I get to keep my crown as princess of the house.  I would have been willing to give up the crown, but I wasn’t going to like it. 
And then I realized what a big decision I had to make.  As the parent of a boy, you have to decide whether or not you want them circumcised. 
You’re not even a parent yet and all of the sudden you’ve got to make a decision about someone else’s genitalia.  What happened to the good ole days where they didn’t ask you–they jut did it?
I did some reasearch, and I’m leaning toward yes.  Granted, it’s not medically neccessary, but in most families it’s still the norm.  I know a kid who went through hell in Junior High because he was "au natural" and the rest of the kids weren’t.  I work with middle schoolers and the last thing I want to do is give someone amunition to use against my child–those kids can be cruel.     
The Hub, however, is not so convinced; he points out that it’s unneccsary surgery and pain.  He says he’s not sure he wants to mutilate his child for social convention.   I understand all this, but still, I want my child to be viewed as "normal" by his peers.  I think it would be less traumatic to just get it over with. 
So there you go, he’s not even here yet, and already I have all these decisions to make.  Right now I’m deciding how best to convince my husband.  

About takedeux

In one summer I had a baby who was hospitalized for five weeks, quit my job, and moved back to my hometown. This blog is about starting over.
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23 Responses to Decisions, decisions

  1. g says:

    Well, congratulations on having a boy. I have learned that girls are MUCH harder and more to worry about when they are teens…like pregnancy, drugs, drinking, etc…
    On the circumsizing.  I say GO FOR IT!   Have you seen one without?  It is DIFFERENT!  I know the difference.

  2. Becca says:

    Well, I am assuming that dh is? And does he suffer any long term consequences of being circumcised? Probably not. Yes it is painful, but trust me, little boys do not grow up to hate their parents for having it done. You make the right decision for you, and dh will come on board I am sure. The first of many parental compromises I am sure!

  3. K says:

    Awwh… the choice to circumsize or not…. its a hard decision when both aren\’t decided.  All I know is that I would circumsize my son… but that\’s just me.  I have no clue how to convince someone else…. and yes.. it is different… I have seen both and I personally feel that from a hygenic point only… circumsion is the way to go…
    OK.. now that was a wierd thing to comment on.. LOL!!  Hope you are well and have a lovely time off!  Btw… if you could email me your home mailing address… I would greatly appreciate it.  I won\’t share it with anyone nor send you junk mail!
    Ciao bella,

  4. Christi says:

    Hi Katy!  Two things.  The policy in almost all hospitals in Colorado (and I believe also recommended by the AAP) is that anesthetic must be used to perform the circumcision.  I often see parents making the decision based on what dad is – but I definately agree with your perspective on not wanting him to be made fun of.  The other issue you have is that you would not want him to feel awkward and have to make the decision later in life as to whether to be circumcised as an adult.  Youch.  Finally, I have to tell you, we had B circumcised and two things:  DON\’T WATCH IT BEING DONE FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, and two, it looks horrible afterwards, though it heals up quickly.  Final thought: my husband said "I don\’t remember the pain of having it done, so it must not have been that bad!"  Good luck with your decision. 

  5. -c says:

    I agree you have to do what you feel is best. But, just so you get the other side . . .
    We did not have our son circumcised and none of our 5 grandsons is. My son is 29 and never had any problems being teased – I think that depends a lot on the personality of the kid. If others are going to tease (bully) them they\’ll find something to tease them about . . . kids are good at finding the kid it will affect the most.
    The only problem we have had so far is from GS number 3. He\’s in kindergarten this year and went through a period where, in the bathroom, he kept staring at the other kids. They thought it was a little weird, we actually went through a period where we thought he may have been abused or something, but then it dawned on us he was checking out the "difference". Once his mom and dad talked to him about it that was the end of it.
    You know, there are pro\’s and con\’s to about every decision you are going to make for and with your son. In the end, it comes down to what is right for you as a family.

  6. Joell says:

    Hello there! 
    Just my 2 cents here…we made the decision based on the fact that my hubby is circumcised and we wanted them to look the same.  My hubby\’s father is NOT circumcised (i know cause dh told me…ha ha) and my hubby is glad that his parents had him circumcised.  I agree that I wouldn\’t want to be a grown man having a circumcision. YIKES. 
    It\’s only the first of many decisions you will make on behalf of your son.  Welcome to Motherhood! 🙂

  7. Leah says:

    You know, David Beckham\’s not circumcised. Don\’t ask how I know. I\’m just trying to offer an example… 😉
    One of my brothers got circumcised around 5. It was kinda gross. I wouldn\’t say he\’s been scarred for life over it though.

  8. KEL says:

    Ah, the joys of being a mother!  (wink) I can\’t say I envy your decisions, I had a girl so I didn\’t have all that to think about before hand but just wait…they will grow up and there will be plenty more decisions for you to contemplate. 

  9. Michelle says:

    Just one more mom-POV:  My son is 13, and we went through this when he was born.  I was in the same boat as your DH, and asked my pediatrician about it.  He told me (at that time – 1993) he was seeing the trend to circumcise reverse, and that roughly it was split equally between circumcised/non-circumcised.  His position was that the old \’cleanliness\’ issue was proved to be not true, and that it was a purely parental decision.  He also felt that unnecessary surgery was unnecessary surgery, and so we chose to keep him intact.   So far, it hasn\’t ever come up.  I asked my son about it now that he\’s hit puberty, and he says that the ratio in gym class is still roughly the same, and that he\’s glad that he\’s the way he is.  He doesn\’t feel uncomfortable in the slightest.  But that\’s just one story.

  10. Aimee says:

    since Kenny isn\’t i am all for our child not being…it\’s mean and nasty i think…you just have to teach your child to keep himself clean…but like i said…i just think that the kid should match the dad…less questions to answer….
    :o) smiles are free and contagious…so pass one right now to the people you love and those you don\’t…soon everyone will be smiling… :o)

  11. Jaysey says:

    Here\’s my completely non-parental, non-male point of view (take it for what it\’s worth):Not circumcising because you don\’t want to do it for "societal convention" is fine–except that the kid is the one who will have to deal with the repercussions of that decision.  Maybe he will want to be conformist.  Maybe he will want to look like the other kids.  Maybe he will want to look like dad.  On the other hand, maybe he won\’t.  In that case, he can grow his hair long or shave his head and wear droopy drawers or listen to heavy metal or do whatever other non-conformist thing of the year he wants to.  But he won\’t (without a great deal of pain and stress and possible medical complications) be able to get circumcised if he wants to.  And that\’s not fair to him.  Try that argument on the Hub. 😉

  12. Della says:

    not that you asked for opinions, but here\’s my useless two cents.  My brother was not circumsized as a baby.  When he was 23 he decided to go get circumsized.  He says he hated being different all through school and that he has never regretted his decision to go get it done.  so for what it\’s worth, there\’s that!

  13. Kathleen says:

    My oldest son was circumcised and the skin grew back.  The same thing happened to my brother-in-law and he had the procedure a second time.  I was very worried about it and was considering having Devon circumcised again.  I talked to my dad who wasn\’t circumcised and he said, "Don\’t worry about it.  No teenage boy is going to say a thing, because if they do, it means that they were looking at Devon\’s penis.  No red blooded American male wants to appear gay."  He was right. Devon has reached 18 years old without degrading comments about his foreskin. 

  14. g says:

    To the MOM TO BE!!
    I have something for you, Have a terrific day!HAPPY MOTHERS To BE DAY E-CARD!!!! Let\’s see if this goes around the world for Mother\’s Day!! Prettiest Moms! YOU ARE \’HIT\’!Prettiest Moms on my Friends list! Once you have been hit, you have To \’hit\’ pretty Moms. If you get \’hit\’ again, You will know you are REALLY pretty! So \’hit\’ pretty moms on your friends list to let them know they are pretty.Before I was a Mom I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.I didn\’t worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.I never thought about immunization.Before I was a Mom – I had never been puked on. Pooped on. Chewed on, Wet on.I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.I slept all night.Before I was a Mom I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests. Or give shots.I never looked into teary eyes and cried.I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.Before I was a Mom I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn\’tWant to put them down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn\’t stop the hurt.I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.I never knew that I could love someone so much.I never knew I would love being a Mom.Before I was a Mom – I didn\’t know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.I didn\’t know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.I didn\’t know that bond between a mother and her child.I didn\’t know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.Before I was a Mom – I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.I didn\’t know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.Send this to someone who you think is a special Mom. I just did! This says it all! I also leave you this with love: Enjoy your special day! ~~Hugs~~

  15. Antonella says:

    Well, Dante was curcumsized and he was fine. It\’s really no big deal, think about it, a little snip compared to being squished through a tiny little hole….I think the labor and birth is more traumatic!
    When are you do anyway?? Are you getting to the point where you are extremely tired yet?? 
    Happy mother\’s day!!!

  16. Hollie says:

    Im sure glad it is not me making that choice hard one….but there are many of those on the road of parent hood…enjoy tommorrow mom to be!

  17. Unknown says:

    Yep, that\’s a tough decision, indeed.  I think if I were to have a boy, I\’d go through with it though.  Just my 2 cents.Have a great weekend!God bless 🙂

  18. Hilary says:

    I know now that there\’s not really a health advantage, but in high school, we knew the guys that weren\’t circumsized because the girls totally talked about them!  I\’ve had several friends that do the rubber band until it falls off (obviously they did it medically, not with a real rubber band) and apparently that is less painful?  Good luck!

  19. Stacy says:

    All 3 of our boys are circumcised.  The first two I never questioned and just did it.  By the time #3 came around all of the controversy had started, but I still decided to have it done.  Yes it is painful, but it is quick and they don\’t remember it.  Also, some studies have shown that those who are not are more prone to STD\’s and Cancers and it is harder to keept clean.  Imagine having to teach your child to pull the skin back to clean there.
    Best wishes to you and sure hope that hubby comes around.

  20. Christine says:

    As a nursing student, I had to hold a baby boy for a circumcision.  This made me decide then and there, long before babies were a twinkle in my eye, that I would NEVER circumcise my own sons.  This poor baby screamed until he passed out, and from the doctor told me, most babies do this (pass out).  Unless things have changed, they give no pain medication or anesthesia.  Think about that…pain in your private parts and no pain killers.  And it takes around a week to heal.
    My 2 cents as a nurse and a mom.
    You must be close to ready for this baby to be born!  My thoughts are with you.

  21. Nora says:

    We had our boys circumsized, it seemed to heal quickly and the while I wasn\’t present for the procedures, I was able to nurse the boys right away to soothe them.  I was undecided about it, but my husband said he wanted them to be like him and we went that way.  However it is not the norm as much as it used to be,  so I think the teasing probably is not much of an issue. 

  22. Nora says:

    We had our boys circumsized, it seemed to heal quickly and the while I wasn\’t present for the procedures, I was able to nurse the boys right away to soothe them.  I was undecided about it, but my husband said he wanted them to be like him and we went that way.  However it is not the norm as much as it used to be,  so I think the teasing probably is not much of an issue. 

  23. Unknown says:

    what did you decide?  Mutilate is far too strong of language.  There is no normal, but clipped is better for cleanliness reasons

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