What She Wore: white, cap-sleeved tee with a v-neck; navy blue skirt; navy blue and white striped espadrilles. People can’t believe I’m wearing these shoes, but I PROMISE you I feel better in these than in a pair of flats.
This blog has swirled around in my head for weeks. In its place I keep typing things that are easier to talk about. It’s confusing too–you want to say something, but you don’t want to offend anyone, so you end up not knowing how to say it at all. Well, I’m not sure if your feelings ever come out quite right when you write them down, so forgive me if this is rough.
Right after I got pregnant I was talking with a friend who said, "It’s so crazy that you’re pregnant–I was talking with so-and-so the other day, and we are SO not in that place."
Now this was a casual comment, and knowing this friend’s life situation, she’s definitely not in the baby-making place. There are a bunch of other things she’d probably want to do first. Even so, I caught it, the "we." Suddenly, I was on the other team–the team of people who had babies and talked about poop and percentiles and mucus plugs (surely they could have named it something better). I was one of THEM.
Being one of them means having some friends that aren’t. And that sucks. You would hate for people you’ve been friends with for years to suddenly see you as boring or self-centered, or even worse: un-relatable. Because these are the people that "get" you, and to not have them around would be a tragedy. Maybe you don’t see them or talk to them every day, but we all need people who remember our glory days. People who knew us and liked us even when we weren’t sure who we were—people who helped us figure it out. Keeping these people in my life is very important to me, and the effect the baby would have on these friendships never crossed my mind.
I guess all you can do it hope that the friendship is bigger than all of it. Hope that having a baby isn’t the death of life as you know it, but merely the next step. Hope that if you do become an un-relatable bore, they’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and see if you get over it. Hope that when (if) they have babies, you’ll be there to help, and there to remind them of who they were before they became "mom."