What She Wore: LSU t-shirt, black yoga pants, bare feet. I’m kind of in-between clothes right now. Don’t really fit in the old stuff and certainly don’t fit in the prego stuff either.
Well, I’d like to say these last few days have been a cake-walk, but that would be a lie. Charlie cried almost non-stop until today. We had to have a feeding tube placed in his stomach, and his stitches didn’t come out until today. It’s been a rough couple of days. Why the feeding tube? Well, Charlie is slow on the eating thing–a lazy eater if you will. He takes a two meals a day by mouth, and the rest goes in the tube. It’s sounds horrific, but it’s not as scary as I anticipated. We’re building up to more and more feedings with the bottle, and I’m optomistic that he’ll do well once he’s settled in.
As for me? Well, it’s been rough. Knowing that Charlie has had a brain bleed makes me question everything. Every move, every cry sends me running to the computer to read as much as I can on his condition/chances/etc. The thing is this: the mortality rate for Charlie’s condition is 80%–there is almost no information on infants who survive. They can range from very disabled to being almost completely normal. There is no way to know until he gets older. In the meantime, I’m trying to take it one day at a time, and not get too caught up in all the what ifs. Easier said than done some days.
But I have set a goal for myself: I will figure out how to get back in the classroom. Whether short-term or long-term, I don’t know, but I miss that place already. I’m still communicating with my former colleagues about test scores and the like. I might volunteer, or substitutue teach one day a week, or take a graduate-level class, but I’ll do something. I can’t stay away.
I’ll be trying to get around.