Post Partum

What She Wore: LSU t-shirt, black yoga pants, bare feet.  I’m kind of in-between clothes right now.  Don’t really fit in the old stuff and certainly don’t fit in the prego stuff either.

Well, I’d like to say these last few days have been a cake-walk, but that would be a lie.  Charlie cried almost non-stop until today.  We had to have a feeding tube placed in his stomach, and his stitches didn’t come out until today.  It’s been a rough couple of days.  Why the feeding tube?  Well, Charlie is slow on the eating thing–a lazy eater if you will.  He takes a two meals a day by mouth, and the rest goes in the tube.  It’s sounds horrific, but it’s not as scary as I anticipated.   We’re building up to more and more feedings with the bottle, and I’m optomistic that he’ll do well once he’s settled in.
As for me?  Well, it’s been rough.  Knowing that Charlie has had a brain bleed makes me question everything.  Every move, every cry sends me running to the computer to read as much as I can on his condition/chances/etc.  The thing is this: the mortality rate for Charlie’s condition is 80%–there is almost no information on infants who survive.  They can range from very disabled to being almost completely normal.  There is no way to know until he gets older.  In the meantime, I’m trying to take it one day at a time, and not get too caught up in all the what ifs.  Easier said than done some days. 
But I have set a goal for myself: I will figure out how to get back in the classroom.  Whether short-term or long-term, I don’t know, but I miss that place already.  I’m still communicating with my former colleagues about test scores and the like.  I might volunteer, or substitutue teach one day a week, or take a graduate-level class, but I’ll do something.  I can’t stay away.
I’ll be trying to get around.

About takedeux

In one summer I had a baby who was hospitalized for five weeks, quit my job, and moved back to my hometown. This blog is about starting over.
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20 Responses to Post Partum

  1. Unknown says:

    You definitely have the right attitude.  We can all play the "what if" game with all kinds of different situations.  And it never gets you anywhere, it just wastes time.  I can\’t imagine how hard it must be to be going through what you are going through, but you\’re doing it – one day at a time.  And you know, sometimes in life that\’s all you can do.  Sometimes it\’s just minute by minute.  And for the time being that\’s good enough.  Just try to keep focusing on the positive.  Hang in there!  I\’m still prayin\’!God bless 🙂

  2. WINDOW LIVE says:

    I am glad you guys are doing okay.   Your feelings are completely normal.  My kids didn\’t have anything wrong with them and I still played and still play the what if game.  What if I screw them up, what if they don\’t go to college, blah blah.   So keep in mind that if he hadn\’t had one problem you would still feel this way somedays.  Welcome to Motherhood 🙂 HA!  Speaking of classrooms, my daughter has decided to become a special education teacher.  She peer tutors in the special needs room in high school and loves it!  It is her calling.  I had 2 letters of commendation on her last year. I think going back to the classroom is definitely what you need to do! 

  3. Siobhan says:

    Sounds like you have a ton of things running through your brain at the same time.  Keeping your foot in your profession and being a mother at the same time is no easy task.  Remember and take some "me" time too.  Here\’s to getting home, sleeping in your own bed, feeding babies and sweat pants!

  4. Nora says:

    Sounds like a plan, working a little helps keep you grounded, and is good for both of you.  I\’ll keep praying for the little guy and hang in there!

  5. Unknown says:

    Yours is the first blog I read every morning to see an update on you and sweet Charlie. 
    All the different doctor\’s and books will say one thing about a condition, but they don\’t
    know because each case is so different.  Charlie is a fighter and God has big plans for him.
    Make some time for you in the future, that will help, you have a great outlook and you and
    your husband, and precious Charlie continue to be in my prayers!
    Take care and when you feel up to it we would love to see some pictures since
    coming home from the hospital.
    Gwen  🙂

  6. Tracy says:

    I think that\’s a great idea – you obviously love it and need to be sure to take time for you.  Glad that Charlie is holding his own, I am sure he\’ll be in that 20% that do well, look what odd he\’s already surpassed!!

  7. Tiffany says:

    Hey girl… just hang in there!  You have a good attitude about the entire situation.  I know it\’s hard not to stress, but you will make it through this and little Charlie has already proved that he is a fighter!
    Big Hugs to you!

  8. Sarah says:

    Hang in there! Look at how far you all have already come. You\’re dealing amazingly well and you\’ll continue to do so.
    You\’ll be able to figure out a way to be in the classroom. I was wondering how you were doing to deal with being away from the kids–it just seems to be such a big part of who you are.
    Give Charlie a kiss for us! 😉

  9. Nadine says:

     Yes! I agree.
     You will need an outlet….a way to stay in touch with the outside world.
    I am glad you are makin\’ great strides with Charlie.
     And there is more to come!

  10. Nadine says:

     Yes! I agree.
     You will need an outlet….a way to stay in touch with the outside world.
    I am glad you are makin\’ great strides with Charlie.
     And there is more to come!

  11. Nadine says:

     Yes! I agree.
     You will need an outlet….a way to stay in touch with the outside world.
    I am glad you are makin\’ great strides with Charlie.
     And there is more to come!

  12. Aimee says:

    well setting yourself a goal is a great idea…remember not to push yourself too much…thinking of you and your family…

  13. Joell says:

    Keep your chin up.  Never forget that your Charlie has already beaten the odds.  Stay positive. 
    You are wise to pay attention to the fact that you need/want to stay in touch with your career.  You will find a way to make it all work!  Hang in there!  Thinking of you.

  14. Gina says:

    i just keep thinking how far you and Charlie have come along in a month – everyday is a challenge but you are great!  As far as teaching…I know by now that you can do whatever you set your mind to, so if teaching is on your mind…go for it!

  15. Gina says:

    *you are doing great.

  16. barnyardmama says:

    Not to worry–I\’m not running back to the classroom this week.  I\’m just remembering that I love it and not letting that go.  It\’s there–in the back of my mind, so when opportunity knocks I\’ll have a chance to go after it.

  17. Stacy says:

    First of all – All mothers feel this way.  You just have a lot more things to worry about than most of us.  We all doubt our every move and every decision, even when they are 14, 11 & 3.
    Second, Just continue to take one moment at a time.  Enjoy being a mother to an infant.  I know everyone says this but they do grow so fast.  I can hardly believe that my oldest is now 14.
    I will continue to pray for strength for you and your hubby and especially for Charlie.

  18. Antonella says:

    I can imagine how worried you are about the future, but you\’re right to TRY not to worry about it, there\’s no way of knowing and it\’ll only drive you crazy. Like Mum said, even if you have a baby who didn\’t have any issues at all, you always worry about everything that you do or don\’t do. Someimtes they cry non-stop and you think you\’re doing something wrong and it can get very frustrating. Getting out I think will be very helpful. I hope that you can find something to do part time that you will enjoy. If it\’s possible, even going out with Charlie for a walk can help you relax a little. Do you have anyone who lives close by that can help you? Sometimes I think it would be nice if I had someone close by who had a baby also so we could hang out and talk and stuff.
    Well, as always you guys are in my prayers,

  19. Jaysey says:

    I\’m proud to call you my online friend.

  20. Hollie says:

    Hi sounds normal, Roo cried for days when she first came home, and I remember when she was first diagnosed I lived on the computer wanting to know everything, and now looking back Im glad I didnt know that much! Take your time getting around we all know you are now a busy mom!

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