Better Than I Was

What She Wore: Jean capris; grey t-shirt; black strappy sandals. 

A girl that the Hub and I know had a miscarriage last weekend.  She sent everyone an e-mail afterwards to let them know.  The Hub and I discussed the news on the phone, and pondered what we could say.  Then the Hub said, "you know, I don’t know what she’s going through, but I feel like I can relate some how."  And I know exactly what he means. 

This thing with Charlie has changed us.  To come that close to losing him has made everything different.  Whether you plan on having children or not, I think that everyone has an idea about what their child will be like: they’ll have your hair or your love of literature.  To have these dreams stomped on makes an impression that you won’t soon forget.  But when you get done reeling from the unthinkable, you realize that the experience has made you better–whether you wanted to be better or not. 

When someone else sufferes a loss, I pause for a little bit longer.  I feel it just a little bit more.  My compassion has deepened.  Now, when I see someone with a disability I stop and look at them–I don’t ogle their disability, but rather examine their face.  They have become people now.  I’m not saying that they weren’t always people, but as we go through our day, how often do we look past the obvious?  It’s easy to see only a person’s color or religion, and  it’s easy to only see a wheel chair or a cane.   Just as teaching broadened my horizons with respect to race, Charlie has shown me another side to humanity.  For that, I am a better person.   

It’s kind of humbling when someone so small teaches you such a big lesson.




About takedeux

In one summer I had a baby who was hospitalized for five weeks, quit my job, and moved back to my hometown. This blog is about starting over.
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17 Responses to Better Than I Was

  1. Unknown says:

    I agree with you, when you have children you do have more compassion.  My daughter sometimes breaks my heart, like in 4th
    grade when she said she wished God had not made her different than all of her friends.  The condition she has is not that common
    and the only time she sees other girls like her is when we go to a special conference.  We have only been able to go to two since
    they are usually really far away. I am sure you will be a great support for your friend that just went through a miscarriage.
    Glad you all are doing okay.  Would love to see some more precious Charlie pictures when you get a chance.
    Am still praying for your wonderful son Charlie, you and your husband.
    Hope you have a good week,

  2. Joell says:

    And that little person will continue to humble you every day.  It is amazing.  🙂
    I have looked at children differently since my son\’s diagnosis with Asperger\’s Syndrome 7 years ago.  I don\’t view a kid\’s tantrum at Wal-Mart the same way I did before I had kids.  I never take for granted a hug from my son or when he says "I love you Mom" or when he accomplishes something that I know is hard for him.  We celebrate things that are "normal" for most kids.   I\’ve said it SO many times–my kids make me a better person.  No doubt about it. 
    I\’m sorry for your friend\’s loss. 

  3. Tracy says:

     Ya, it\’s amazing how things change your whole perspective.  I know it\’s completely different, but even having been thru a divorce, now makes me stop and think so much more when I hear of someone else going thru it; one of those things you can\’t understand unless you\’ve been thru it – and yours is the same way.  Again, not the same things as yours is much bigger and more life-changing, but, both teach us lessons.  I hope little Charlie is doing well!

  4. Christine says:

    Our children do often teach tings about life.  Christ said we must be like children to enter the kingdom, so I try to listen when my children speak.  Sometimes they say and do the most profound things.  A good frind of mine just lost her baby through miscarriage, as well.  I lost 2 babies that way myself.  It is a wrenching loss, and people tend to make light of it.   My own mother told me at the time, "You\’re young, you can have another baby."  I am sure that all you have been through will make you a more compassionate person.  Our own experieinces color our perceptions, sometimes for the better, sometimes not.  I am continuing to keep you and your little family in my prayers, and I will say a prayer for your friend.
    As My House Turns

  5. Aimee says:

    it\’s true they do change your life….forever…
    *~*   :o) smiles are contagious…  :o)  so pass one on …  :o)  soon the whole world will be smiling… :o)   *~*  

  6. Hollie says:

    You know raising a special child changes you in ways that you never knew possible, you see things in ways well that some will never know simply because you have this gift from above, an unique perspective, knowing that day by day you simply dont know, that looks can be deceptive, that it is important to know what is real and important and to be in the moment, whether that moment brings tears or joy.. 

  7. tressie says:

    hey –
    many congratulations – I"m glad you are all home – and you are right…those little bundles change everything for use, the way we eat and sleep and shower….and feel and look at the world.  Give yourself time for the new mommy thing – it takes practice and you are already tired and a bit shell shocked, but honestly with your courage and drive, you\’ll be amazing! I miscarried between my two children – it was devastating to me and as far as I was concerned, it WAS a real person, born or unborn. Your compassion is wonderful.  Our 2nd child\’s story – for his 10th birthday – was my last blog – if you get a chance, go read it, I think you will like it.  He\’s OUR miracle child, but for a different reason.  The wonderful thing to, when you go back to teaching, you will see Charlie\’s face in each of your student\’s faces and you will love them and have more patience with them than ever. ahhhh sweetie – the best of everything for you and your sweet husband…..our prayers will be with you both and with little Charlie.  ttfn ~ tressie 

  8. Antonella says:

     I totally know what you mean. After my ectopic pregnancy, like you said I feel things more. Even if it\’s somehing completely different than what happened to me, I don\’t know, I just see things differently I guess.
    Good for you wearing capris and strappy sandels!

  9. Gina says:

    It is hard, what do you say in those situations?  I can def see how motherhood brings out a deeper compassion in a mom. 
    I hope your friend finds all the comfort she needs from her family and friends (like you!)

  10. Jaysey says:

    Life is full of different learning experiences–sometimes even in the smallest  or most unlikely places. 

  11. Stacy says:

    Very elegantly put Katy.  I had a miscarriage between middle and youngest (that is why there are 7 years).  It is just as hard on the one who lost as it is on the friends who don\’t know what to say.  A gentle hug and a tender shoulder to cry on helped me the most.  And being able to talk about it.  So many people wanted to act like it never happened – that hurt more than anything.  Hubby had my mothers ring made for me earlier this year and he had a stone placed in it for the baby we lost.  It is a diamond with the name Angel etched beside it. 

  12. Cheryl says:

     Hey Katy,
    I am glad to see that things are going well.  I am back in New Orleans, although camping with my daughter, got a really great teaching job too.  Jeff Parish is so great, I am soooo impressed with them and the salary is really good!!!
    Hang in!

  13. Unknown says:

    You are amazing. I think that one of the reasons life gives us challenges to teach us greater compassion for people around us.  I hope things are going well for you. Thanks for stopping by my space!

  14. Wahzat says:

    Oh I understand exactly what you mean, I have always been sympathetic to the disable but a whole new door of understanding opened up when my son was diagnosed with Autism. I now understand the limitations and feel ten times more intensely than I did. 
    I am so sorry that your friend has to go through it. 
    On the flip side I am so happy that you and Charlie are doing great!
    Hope you are having a great week! 

  15. Unknown says:

    I want to say I know what you mean, but then I think that I\’m being egocentric I really don\’t know what you mean on that deep a level. Even my mother who has been sick all her life has lucid moments.Looking @ the blog below this one, I just read this funny saying online:"I you have OCD and you know it wash your hands!"My husband didn\’t giggle like I did when I saw it….sigh….evil kitty strikes again.I have La. envy now. Well perhaps not La. envy…but maybe La. food envy, why is food so gosh darn important to me?!?!?! I\’ll never be skinny.hugs to Charlie,Mercy

  16. Carol says:

    How true Katy.  Everybody has value, everybody has something to teach us, if we\’d only listen.  Too often I\’ll tune someone out because I judge that they can\’t show me something I don\’t know.  How untrue.  Even little Charlie can teach. 

  17. C.C. says:

    Where in Louisiana are you guys moving to?  This may have been mentioned before, but Children\’s Hospital New Orleans is top-notch.  If y\’all are going to be moving to the NOLA metro-area you can be sure precious little Charlie will have some awesome doctors!!  🙂 

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