What She Wore: Black and white houndshooth blouse with short sleeve and a petite ruffle down the front (not like a pirate, I promise); black capris; black and white houndshooth flats. The Hub took me out for a real dinner! I got to wear adult clothes! Alert the freakin’ media.
Tonight at dinner my fortune read, "try to channel excess energies into rejuvenation."
I couldn’t have put it better myself.
Somehow, I have to figure out this new direction that life has taken me. I have to stop obsessing over Charlie’s development–whatever will be will be, as they say. Stressing myself out over it will not change a thing. I am doing everything I can to help him, and I have to give myself permission to accept that. I have to allow myself to love my son without trying to "fix" him or worrying about what other people will think.
Objectively, I am very hopeful. His limbs all move, he loves music and giggles at his daddy’s antics, he’s working very hard to get his head under control, and he’s an accompished thumb sucker. He’s a little charmer who can have brain surgery and smile the next day. He wows the nurses that work with him because of his laid-back demeanor, and, in my unbiased opinion, he’s a real cutie.
It can be hard to be objective, though. Hard not to wish for a crystal ball that will show be the future. Hard not to feel like I failed my child at the starting gate.
And especially hard to know where I fit in now that I’ve shed my identity as "teacher."
I feel certain that I will figure it out, but it’s going to take some time. As cliche as it sounds, I’m going to volunteer, try new recipes, decorate my new home (on a teeny budget), and try to figure out this new version of me–whoever that is. I’m going to rejuvinate or maybe even re-invent the girl I used to know. Wish me luck!
PS: Anyone else notice how Spaces now lets us inbed our photos? I’ve been having a little too much fun with that feature.