How to Go About It

What She Wore: navy blue shirt with black velvet accents, slightly capped sleeves, and a v-neck–it’s kind of hard to describe, actually, but really cute; blue jeans, black strappy sandals.

Yesterday, against my better judgement, I went to a wine and cheese party for alumna of my college sorority.  I was never an uber-sorority girl, so the whole thing sort of reeked of awkwardness.  In the end, I found myself having a good time, mingling with some people who are my age and interesting, and generally participating in adult conversation.
Only one little problem.
Ineveitably it will come up that I have a son named Charlie who was born in June. 
I don’t want to get into the whole freakin’ saga with some women I just met–I was supposed to be enjoying myself, not going to group therapy.  So, I glossed over the situation, just mentioning that he’d spent some time in the hospital because he had a bad heart.  I left out the life support/stroke/doctors told us he was brain dead/calling the minister/doctors were wrong/feeding tube/hydrocephalus/shunt/bad eye sight part.  That kind of stuff tends to bring a party down. 
There was another girl there who’d just had her teeny, tiny perfect bundle in July.  Those of you who have kids can see where this is going. . .
"We should have a playdate!"  All smiles and excitement. 
[Insert four letter word beginning with S here]
She’s making a career change towards education and had some bitchin’ shoes on, so I’m sure we’d get along.   It would be perfect if the circumstances were only slightly different, and she, of course, is completely excited–and why shouldn’t she be?   So the question is. . .
How do I go about this? Avoidance?  Brutal honesty?  Somewhere in between?  And what about the next time?  I’m not sure hermiting myself from the rest of the child-bearing universe is the way to go.  Even if Charlie is behind developmentally, having him around other children would probably be good for him.  Actually, there’s even research to suggest that this is true.   I’m going to have to get the hell over it eventually. 
But how, exactly? 

About takedeux

In one summer I had a baby who was hospitalized for five weeks, quit my job, and moved back to my hometown. This blog is about starting over.
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16 Responses to How to Go About It

  1. Mrsbrown2k1 says:

    I just found you blog again after lossing it many months ago. I am sorry to hear Charlie is having problems. I know how devistating that must be for you.  Your an incredibel women so strong and smart.  You\’ll get through this and everything will turn our fine. Just have faith. 
    You asked for our opinion on the play date.  If it was me I\’d explain to the mom what problems Charlie has to make her aware.  i\’d be very honest about it.  I\’d also tell her that I\’d love to get together for a play date.  It will  be good for Charlie and you too.
    I wish you both all the best and i\’ll remember to include him in my prayers.
    Tam in Texas

  2. Leighann says:

    Hi Katy,
    Have a playdate. Enjoy yourself and possibly make a new friend.  If she cares (negatively, not positively!)  that Charlie is a little behind now and doesn\’t want to have her "perfect" bundle around him, then she\’s not even close to being worthy of your friendship.  I know you know this anyway, but if it was me, I\’d like to hear that.  And you\’re right, it will be good for him to be around a baby close to his own age.  Peer pressure and all that! :o)

  3. g says:

    Hello. I\’d be honest with her.  If she can\’t handle it, I\’m sure she won\’t ask for any more playdates and  you\’ll know her true colors…good or bad.
    Good luck.

  4. Carol says:

    I\’m with g.j.–go for it.  Young children don\’t know anything about differences and they\’s probably enjoy just being with another kid.  As for you, Katy, I\’m sure you\’d love some adult discussion and companionship.  Yeah, there\’s a risk it won\’t work out, but nothing ventured…..   

  5. Tracy says:

    I say just go on the play date, and be honest about it, including telling her you didn\’t want to bring it up in front of everyone.  I totally understand that, that was your escape, your Katy time.  IF she\’s a good person, she will completely understand and everyone will have fun at the playdate!

  6. Becca says:

    Go for it. You are going to need the circle of understanding moms as you go down this road. If she is a true friend, she will understand. And you know that you cannot be a hermit forever… 🙂

  7. Sarah says:

    I agree 100% with Tracy. Not that I know anything about having kids!

  8. Joell says:

    I\’m with everyone else, girl!  Face it head on.  Make a friend.  It could be great.  And if it\’s not, well, you\’ll figure that out soon enough.  What have you got to lose??
    I\’ll hope for the best!

  9. Unknown says:

    I\’m on board with everyone else here.  Face it head on, call her.  Tell her you would enjoy the idea of a play date as well as a new friend.  However, I need to let you know a little more about Charlie.  I think you will be surprised as well as yes the other children will be good for Charlie.

  10. Kathleen says:

    I have always believed that honesty is the best policy.  All of my friends have "normal" children.  Andrew\’s differences didn\’t matter much during the toddler years and early elementary.  We still got together for play dates, even if Andrew didn\’t "play" the same way.  Make a call, tell the woman about Charlie\’s delays and make a date.  I bet you have a great time.

  11. Gina says:

    the wise women of this blog have spoken, actually typed.  there are very good answers on here and i hope it helps with your decisions.  a play date for your son means a play date for katy – and that could just be what the doctor ordered! glad you had a nice time at the event.

  12. Hilary says:

    I agree with honesty and trying it out!…especially since kids can sometimes be incredibly sensitive!  My husband\’s daycare had a boy with severe Down\’s syndrome…I worried that the others kids would be mean, but interestingly, they treated him super nice!  They handed him toys that they would never share with others and let him go down the slide first!  And these were toddlers!My point is Charlie may be a little behind, but getting him used to other kids and playdates would be great!  Issues or not, I think all kids need company, and even if you have to explain this to the other parents, I know they would understand, especially since Charlie is so freakin cute! 🙂

  13. Christine says:

    At 4 months of age and 5 months of age, the true "play date" would be for the moms anyway.  I would probably set up a visit.  You will both bew holding your babies, and you could really find out how much you have in common (besides little babies).  Making a new friend is not a bad thing.  Give your new acquaintance the opportunity.  Sometimes people will surprise you.
    Be Blessed, today, Katy.

  14. Hollie says:

    I so agree with what so many moms have already typed. For a long time I worried about play dates for Roo, but over the years they have turned into real blessings.

  15. Aimee says:

    you know what kids are kids…and they need friends…go and have some time with an adult while your child maybe develops a friend…it will be good for both of you…
    *~* :o) if you don\’t have a smile to give… :o) I will give you one of mine… :o) *~*

  16. siobhan says:

    Everybody has pretty much said it.  I hope you guys end up getting together!

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